Hot English tea fills our mugs, our family has shared breakfast together, and while the girls are doing their chores and before the chaos, mayhem and swirl of life begins, my husband and I take five minutes for one of the most important activities we do in our marriage:
These five minutes of prayer have been the backbone of our marriage. Coming together united, bowing at the throne of God together, has kept us aligned, humbled, and working under the submission of God.
I don’t think you can have a successful marriage without prayer. When two people are able to come under the authority of God and bring their concerns, worries, anxieties, hopes, dreams, and desires for their marriage and each other to Him in prayer, they are saying, “we’re bringing you these things so we don’t need to worry about it anymore.” Scripture says that we are to cast our burdens onto Jesus, because He cares for us — I know of no better way to do this than prayer.
It’s amazing how one little action like prayer can start the day on the right foot. It’s something we’ve done from the beginning of our marriage and have tried to make a daily habit. But there have been times when life finds us out of the house before the sun rises and soon the action of prayer loses its place and we pay the consequence. We’re short with each other, we lose our patience, and we lose sight of the real fight. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” It’s then that we both look at each and one of us usually says, “Wait, when was the last time we prayed together?”
Maybe you’ve never done something like this with your husband, maybe your prayer time has been inconsistent, whatever it might be, I can only speak from the places that God has worked in us, where our self control and responsibility for a delicate marriage have been fine tuned by the Almighty. Prayer — and our commitment to it — has had an indelible impact on the marriage we have now.
It might sound overwhelming to you to have to carve out time to pray with your husband. Here are some tips my husband and I have used to make sure that in the midst of a hectic life, we don’t lose track of what’s most important.
1. Breakfast happens every day; so does prayer.
Breakfast happens in our house every day, so it was only natural for us to piggyback prayer on the end of that scheduled daily event. It’s much easier to set something in motion when something else is already there to add to it. How do your schedules align and where can you add a prayer for each other?
2. Even five minutes makes a difference.
This is such an insignificant amount of time when you really think about it. These five minutes are sometimes the only quiet sanity I’ll find in the day; I’m going to soak it up! In this protected time, we both are able to share our needs, even if quickly. Sometimes it’s simply day events that are on our minds and we just need some prayer support from each other, or maybe it’s deep heart issues that need His soothing love and comfort. Whatever it is, we both go before the Father and each take time to pray for the other.
3. Be vulnerable.
It might go without saying, but this is a time to express your deep needs and desires, the things that are weighing on your heart, and that means being vulnerable. Oh, how I hate being vulnerable. It means I need admit out loud that I cannot do it alone and now he knows! But there’s power in releasing those fears and allowing your husband to understand you. “Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.” (1 Peter 3:7) It would be impossible for him to do this without my sharing, being vulnerable, and finding safety within my husband’s love and prayers for me.
We always end our times by thanking each other for taking the time together. It’s small and simple and yet sets the tone for how we want to treat each other throughout the day. This simple outpouring of love aligns our minds and sets our paths straight.
I think a lot of wives want their husbands to pray with them, and are disappointed when it doesn’t happen. I want to encourage you to find ways to show your husbands how important this time is and can be. It’s not just that we want our husbands to pray for us; we want to support them, stand with them, and cover them in our prayers and our love. I shared last month about the power of using “feeling language” to communicate your feelings in a non-judgmental way; telling your husband that you love him and want to feel more connected might be a great, non-threatening way to communicate your desire for deeper spiritual connection.
Praying for each other can change how you interact with each other throughout the day and week. Because my husband and I have made our daily prayers together a priority, we usually find our tones are more gentle towards each other, we both feel supported, and we ultimately know that God is in control. Whatever we might be going through as a couple or as individuals, we know that our marriage is being cared for by the God of our lives.
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