30 Characteristics of a Modern Lady

In Inspiration by Kristen Dalton Wolfe32 Comments



“Being female is a matter of birth, being a woman is a matter of age, but being a lady is a matter of choice.”

My mother raised me with the art of being a lady. I learned things like; how to set the table properly for many types of occasions, table manners, social etiquette, that white couldn’t be worn after Labor Day and that the color of my shoes should always match or be darker than the hem of my skirt.

I will admit that when I went off to college, lived in NYC and now Los Angeles, I drifted away from some of my lady-like ways, passing them off as old-fashioned and un-relatable.

But now, after doing research for SheisMore.com and being married to the truest gentleman, I have been intrigued to delve back into my lady-like roots. I have discovered being a lady is just the opposite of being repressive and old-fashioned, it actually makes life more fun!

What is more fun that being the best version of your feminine design and expressing with grace to the world?

Being a lady starts from the inside out. Once you are a lady on the inside, expressing lady-like etiquette and niceties becomes much easier to learn as it flows from second nature.

Try applying one of these to your life every day by speaking affirmations over yourself and making a commitment each morning. For guided encouragement, check out my devotional Rise Up, Princess: 60 Days to Revealing Your Royal Identity. 

Here are 30 characteristics of a modern day lady:

1. She is gracious: A lady is never above thanking someone, no matter who or how small it seems. She is sincerely thankful and always expresses her gratitude in a meaningful way.

2. She is a leader: A lady sets the precedent in any given situation. She knows that she has influence and uses it to lead people to good.

3. She is steadfast: A lady is consistent across time and circumstances. When she makes a commitment to herself, she doesn’t allow pressure or trends to cause her to waver.

4. She promotes moral excellence: A lady does the right thing even when no one else is looking. She takes the time to find a trash can rather than leaving it on the sidewalk.

5. She is honest. She says what she means and means what she says. A lady is direct, never passive aggressive, she does not leave room for interpretation.

6. She is self-aware. A lady is aware of the experience others are having with her. She quickly realizes when she is in the wrong and needs to apologize to someone.

7. She thinks before she speaks: A lady takes a moment before speaking her mind to ask herself if the comment is necessary, kind or helpful. If it isn’t, she reconsiders making a reckless comment.

8. She is the best-version of herself: A lady doesn’t downplay her beauty, gifts or intelligence in order to please others or make people comfortable. She walks in the best version of herself which actually releases other women to do the same.

9. She is a thoughtful gift-giver: A lady gives gifts that shows the recipient that she cares about what they like. It doesn’t just have to be for special occasions.

10. She uses her words wisely. A lady refrains from gossip and negative talk, remembering that her words are the reflection of the content in her heart.

11. She represents herself with class and dignity on social media. She does her best to respond to comments and to always tag each person in her photos.

12. She is hospitable. Even if she doesn’t necessarily have the innate gift of hospitality, she does her best to ensure her guests or the people around her are comfortable.

13. She is temperate. A lady practices discipline and self-control with alcohol consumption, especially when she may be surrounded by those trying to abstain.

14. She draws boundaries. Being kind doesn’t mean you are a people pleaser. A lady has boundaries in place regarding what she will and will not allow and people know where the line is drawn usually without her saying anything.

15. She expresses genuine interest in others. A lady is interested, not interesting.

16. She is honoring: A lady always gives acknowledgment where acknowledgement is due. This includes reposting quotes or pictures on social media that did not originate with you.

17. She is original. She has role-models and mentors, but she never copies or compares. A lady knows that being inspired by God will lend to longevity and passion.

18. She knows when to let things go. A lady picks her battles and realizes that getting upset or flustered is actually giving her power away. She remains un-offended.

19. She is humble. A lady gracefully allows others to shine and have their moments.

20. She is adaptable. A lady knows how to navigate various social situations and settings with ease and confidence.

21. She is kind. A lady is inclusive, always aiming to protect anyone from feeling like an “outsider.”

22. She takes pride in her appearance at all times. Going to the grocery store on a Saturday is not an exception.

23. She cares properly for her hygiene and health. A lady knows she can not be dynamic in her purpose if she is not making her health a priority. She is also sure to have breath mints and deodorant in an effort to not be offensive.

24. She is always learning and remains teachable. A lady is constantly growing, is thirsty for wisdom and is never a “know it all.”

25. She is a generous listener. A lady listens to others with grace and does not attempt to overshadow the speaker with comments like, “Oh I’ve done that too” or “I already knew that” “I’ve been there before, you’re not telling me anything new!”

26. She is a peace-maker. A lady doesn’t contribute to dissension, discord or division among friends. She does not stir up drama. She is a vessel of mediation and peace.

27. She is noble. A lady does the good thing even when it is not expected of her. For example, she blesses someone’s reputation who has attempted to curse hers.

28. She is a seeker of truth: A lady is not spineless. She defends the truth even when it isn’t popular.

29. She has a heart for justice: A lady has a strong sense of right and wrong and is passionate to see the oppressed redeemed.

30. She believes in her Creator. A lady knows that her identity is rooted in her Maker. Her strength and vision come from daily prayer.

To read the men’s version of this article, here is: 30 Characteristics of a Good Guy

Click Here To Book Kristen To Speak At Your Church, Conference or Event.


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  2. A beautiful article. As a 56 year old woman I have to say you nailed it. old school and new school combined! Thank you Kristen for a thoughtful piece of work!

  3. Great article! I read this after reading her husband’s article on being a gentleman. I love chivalry in a man and think its important for a woman to be a lady in return. Respect goes both ways!

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  5. This is great, but why does it just apply to women? I feel like this is good advice no matter your gender.

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  8. This article is simply amazing. Couldn’t agree more. Such a pitty that people with the same mindsets are so rare these days..


  9. Hello!I am a 16 year old girl and its very important for me respect this traditions and values.I love that some morals and ideals are the same even if the world is changing.My mama is a true lady and i try to respect her and keep her morals in mind while making my own image.I hope that as my mama lead me to be a lady,I will lead my sister to be the same.Thank you for guiding me and inspiring me.The article is beautiful.
    May God bless you.
    Thank you.

  10. I’ve gotta say very nice article I have to work on my convos and appearance thank you for this

  11. Beautiful article Kristen! Thank you for setting such a wonderful example and for helping other women to walk in wisdom. I’m so blessed by you. Blessings!

  12. this is so lovely!! thank you for this. i am using this as inspiration as i write my annual love letter to my daughter Mabel on her 4th birthday this year. at only three i see that she is turning into quite the wonderful young lady and it is so exciting! xx

  13. Truly an inspiration piece, will definitely pass it to my two teen daughter whom are growing up to be God fearing ladies. I am so greatful to God. Remain blessed Kristen!

  14. I absolutely loved the article. Thank you for sharing such a Beautiful Blessing!

  15. This is a lovely and helpful article. I have always been raised to be somewhat of a lady, but I felt like I needed a refresher and some new tips! This is absolutely the article for this, that you very much!

  16. This article covered everything I’ve been trying to discuss with a lot of young ladies . Thank you so much for keeping it simple and straight forward .

  17. Hi Kristen,

    I absolutely love this post and I would like to share it on my blog but I would also like to add bible verses to each point to compliment it and also to highlight how God also calls us to this standard and he seeks to help us in growing towards it. I of course will not post it without your approval first so please may you get back to me on how you would prefer I go about this with the appropriate acknowledgement of your work as well.

    Kind Regards

    Sonia Pule

  18. Thank you Kristen
    I’m still in school and being a lady is not easy or cool or accepted much of the time. But I’m trying because I know this is what my Father wants of me. Your articles inspire me in rough times. Thank you.

    1. @Grace, I know how hard it is. I was in that position at one point in time. It’s hard to stop conforming to the list of things that schoolmates deem as “uncool” or “weird”. You just have to keep trying! Be strong and persistent in doing what needs to be done and you will surly succeed!

  19. Please kindly share bible passages that reflects on these points. Kudos to the writer you nailed it. Thank you

  20. i was wondering where are men’s comments. Is this a feminist site??

    i think what i read can be reality but not all this applies to most women.

    I dont want to say to much as i may attract opposite views of the wrong kind

    If such woman exists, what a gem.


  21. What a great article, I just came across this while making research on my write up about women. It really help.

  22. So amazing….makes me be proud of being a woman…makes me appreciate women n makes me nurture myself into the kind of lady I wanna be tomorrow…so amazing…big thank you

    1. True am amazed. so the things we do speak loud about our characters. Good write up.

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  24. This was a beautiful article! I especially enjoyed the point about remaining steadfast. That one resignated with me. However, there is one thing I think is wise to bring to attention as I feel as a society we tend to think certain philosophical ideas are related when they are not. That is part of the quote “being a woman is a matter of age.” If that’s true then the older women who have rolled their eyes at me or disregarded my words of wisdom simply because I’m young and single, makes them right. I think being a woman has more to do with growing in wisdom and walking in Christ’s righteousness than age. I have met plenty of young and old women (and men as well) who don’t really have wisdom and are more part of the culture around us, than remaining separate and setting an example. They also do not have the wisdom to know what healthy relationships look like or how to pursue them. There are plenty of 47 year old’s who are not ready for a serious relationship, let alone marriage. I think it’s important to remember that womanhood or manhood for that matter is not based on age, but on a person’s growth in their relationship with Christ and in healthy relationships with others.
    Thank you for sharing this article. It spoke to many things we are missing within our culture.

  25. Woahhh… I love this ma… This superb and heart lifting .. Thanks allot for this

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