About a year ago I wrote a status update on Facebook that I wanted to learn how to keep myself from getting offended. I wanted to master it and then write a book on it. I got all kinds of advice from people on how to deal with over -sensitivity. I appreciated their helpful intentions, but as much as they rattled off quotes about security, confidence and the law of detachment, it didn’t change my life-long struggle with over sensitivity.
Mastering yourself from getting offended requires personal breakthrough or revelation and pressing in to get it.
Common things that would upset me were;
1. Not being appreciated by those I love and gave my heart & resources to,
2. Not being acknowledged or recognized for an original idea or creation,
3. Being copied,
4. Seeing other people get experiences I had worked for
5. Being overlooked
6. Receiving passive aggressive comments
7. Not being invited out with friends
There are several other things that I’ve been offended by, but we’ll stick with these for now.
I finally realized that getting offended had a lot more to do with me than other people. I had brokenness or fears that were triggered. I asked myself, “why does my heart beat faster when someone makes a rude remark to me? Why did that loved ones’ lack of thankfulness bother me so much?” It was because the root of my sensitivity stemmed from insecurity.
Over Easter I pressed in and decided to fast and pray for freedom from insecurity.
This included reading 4 books on insecurity, praying, and fasting. All of these were groundbreaking in my healing.
God says that whatever you ask for in His name will be given to you. He wants you to have freedom. (Matthew 11:24)
After receiving some healing, something happened to me that usually would upset me. This time, however, I was completely unmoved.
“Whoa, that was…weird.”
“That’s not normal, are you sure you don’t want to react?” I thought, “Reacting protects you.”
That inner dialog was a revelation.
I’ve experienced 6 months of freedom from insecurity, oversensitivity and getting offended. I am blown away at how much happier I am.
Out of all the studying, reading, journaling and praying I did on this, there a few main concepts that have changed me.
Here are 9 ways to not get offended.
1. You are a full cup: Psalm 16:5
You are not broken, empty or incomplete. You are not a vessel that needs to be filled up by words, people, attention or affirmation. So many books teach that we need x,y,z from people in order to be full. I thought someone needed to love me the way I needed to be loved in order to to have my needs met.
No wonder I was a hot mess.
The Bible says the Lord is your portion and your cup. You are full, complete and grounded in security.
2. Christ came so that you would have overflow. John 10:10
Not only are you a full cup, you are full to the point of overflow. The Word says that the Father of Lies comes to steal, kill and destroy. But Jesus came to gives us life in abundance to the point of overflow. That means that you don’t need to be filled up by others. You are overflowing with fullness to give.
3. Your lot is secure. Psalm 16:5
A Proverbs verse says that your lot is secure and your portion has been assigned. The boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places. So not only are you overflowing with fullness to give, you can also give without expecting anything in return. You can stay satisfied even though you may be generously giving your resources and love. You don’t need what a person can give you anymore therefore you can love from a pure place.
4. Your citizenship is in heaven. Philippians 3:20
No one can take anything away from you or truly threaten your security because your real home is in heaven. You are seated with Christ in heavenly places. I don’t know about you, but that is always an empowering thought for me. What can anyone really do to you?
5. Your call is irrevocable.
When someone copies you or continues to get recognition for the very heart of your life and purpose, remember that the Bible says your call is irrevocable. That means nothing anyone else does can take away the call on your life. Rest in that and just keep doing what God leads you to do, no matter what the result is.
6. The Lord will fight for you. Exodus 14:14
It is tempting to react or lash out to an offense, but the Lord says to be silent and he will take care of you. Not only that, but the character of people will always be revealed by their ways and what they say. You don’t need to exhaust your precious time or heart by being hurt over it.
7. You are your own property.
I love this concept from Henry Cloud’s book Boundaries. Compare yourself to a residential property with a yard and a fence. The fence is designed to keep the good in and the bad out. Our skin is an example of that. It is designed to keep the good in and the bad out. For me this has been extremely helpful when someone I love doesn’t love me well. I still acknowledge that it’s not how I want to be treated, but I don’t allow it inside my emotional property to hurt me. That hurt is not mine, it’s theirs and I don’t want it and I don’t have to take it.
8. Need Less, Love More.
The short phrase I use to remind myself of all of this is “need less, love more.” Because I don’t need affirmation from anyone, I can more effectively love them from a place of pure wholeness.
9. Lord’s Prayer: Matthew 6:9-13
In the account where Jesus teaches us how to pray, the prayer doesn’t mention one single thing about our self-esteem or psychological needs. It shows us what we truly need which is:
To praise and recognize God,
To ask for His will to be done,
For our physical well-being
To be forgiven and covered by God’s grace with the ability to do the same for others.
To choose righteousness.
And once again to praise and recognize God.
The Lord’s Prayer:
“Our Father, who reigns in heaven
Holy is your name
Your kingdom come, your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Today give us our daily bread,
and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.”
These are the 9 thoughts that changed my life and gave me crazy breakthrough and freedom in this area. I pray it helps you too.
If you are really serious about it, I highly recommend praying and fasting to supercharge this transformation in your life.
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