A Woman’s Worth

In She Speaks by Danni Pietz8 Comments

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A Woman’s Worth: “She is worth far more than rubies.” Proverbs 31:10

Today, I received a phone call from my best friend. I listened as she cried; broken hearted no, not broken hearted no, she is completely broken. She is so broken to the point picking up the pieces is more painful than the brokenness. Listening to her explain about her boyfriend, life, health, and the like, in my head I start begging God to come in a save the day. As I start to tell her, she matters, she is beautiful and wonderful, I start to realize no amount of words I tell her will ever make her really feel like she is worth it. Nothing I say can convince her that she has value.

You see since she has been alive she has been told otherwise. Her dad left her when she just days old and hasn’t seen him since. The second father figure in her life- her stepfather, would physically, emotionally, and verbally abuse her as her mother stood by watching. As a child, she would try her best to be perfect, to never make a mistake, to never act out of line, miss a problem on a test, or get talk out of turn. Unfortunately, she is human, wasn’t perfect, and only a child. What was her reward? She would be cursed at, scream at, and beaten until she was what her parents thought she should be. As our friendship has grown through our countless conversations she has explained to me how, at age 6, she would have to carry bucket of water over her head for hours. If water would spill out of the bucket she would then be hit with whips across her back. After years of enduring this type of treatment she finally mustered up the courage to call the police. They removed her from her home and she moved in with her aunt.

After reading the first half I bet your beginning to think her life is on the up hill, right? Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case although her aunt was not physically abusive. Her aunt’s words were so emotionally taxing and draining that my friend was being abused all over again. Her aunt explained to her how her worth is through what type of men she could get to love her. If it wasn’t a rich man who would cater to her every need then she wasn’t valued or special. Her aunt would scrub her face with different types of chemicals to ensure she wouldn’t have acne and remain beautiful. If she did have acne her aunt would call her “pizza face”. Growing up, these were the types of things she had to endure to just name of a few.

In her lifetime, no one took the time to explain to her about inward beauty and how God views her. No one took the time to tell her she matters and is beautiful with or without acne. No one explained how she is special, and wonderfully created. No one took the time to teach her how she doesn’t need a man to be complete. No one told her not to date a man that won’t honor her and treat her with dignity. No one ever made her feel that she is accepted and loved for exactly who she is. Most importantly, no one ever told her that God made her, created her, loves her, accepts her, and knows her.

Fast forward to today…Listening to her to her talk about her life up to this point breaks my heart, cry, and I gently want to wrap her up in my arms and tell her its over everything will be ok. I want to tell her how sorry I am this has happened to her. Explain to her things are looking up. But you see I can’t because she is battling cancer. Oh and I forgot to mention, she has a boyfriend who lies, manipulates, hits, yells, and cheats. Seeing her life makes me want to just grab her and shield her from the world. At times, I wish we could just disappear to an island with no worries or cares and she would be healed and happy. I wish she could see all the things I see in her. I wish this time when I told her she matters, is important, and people love her she’d believe me. I wish that when I said, “leave him, he’s not going to change” she’d listen. I wish that when I tell her she beautiful, witty, funny, caring, loving, and giving she’d know. I wish she knew that she doesn’t need a man to complete her. Most importantly, I wish she believed in God’s love and plan for her life. I wish all these things for her.

So I guess at this point in the story you are wondering why am I writing this? You know, a part of me doesn’t even really know either. A large part of me is pleading with the FATHER’S to raise their daughters. Don’t leave it up to a fill in dad who may not be so nice or to no one at all. I have news for you dad’s, us WOMEN need our DAD’S so the girls can turn into women. We need our dad’s to teach us the kind of men we deserve and should attract. We need our dad’s to protect us, hug us, laugh with us, and mostly just love us. Most importantly, we simply NEED our DAD’s.

Another part of me, just wants you to write a comment about what you think beauty is. Write a comment about what you think love looks like. Write a comment of encouragement.

Another part of me wants all the deadbeat boyfriends to get a life! Grow up! Stop cheating, lying, manipulating, and abusing! Be a man; better yet be a gentleman, treat your lady with the upmost respect.

Another part of me, wants to let all the ladies know, YOU MATTER, YOU ARE IMPORTANT, and YOU ARE LOVED. Let your beauty radiate from your inner being. Know that you don’t need a man to complete you, and you are fabulous single! That is it is better too alone than miserable with the wrong person.

This is your life to create something incredible! DO IT! Take charge of your life.

Take The Pledge

If this message blessed you, be a blessing by sharing with others.

Comments

  1. Shakirah

    Hi Danni,

    First I would like to share encouragement for your friend. She is indeed beautiful. God loves her with an everlasting love. I’m very sorry to hear about all that she has experienced and is currently experiencing. May she find the courage to walk away from such a toxic relationship and I pray healing over her.

    I believe beauty is being confident in who you are. It’s a resolution to accept yourself as made in the image of the creator. There’s a peace with self-acceptance. Love is being accepted by others despite your flaws, but it starts with receiving God’s love and loving yourself first. Too often when we don’t love ourselves we tolerate people treating us poorly.

    It takes a lot of healing, heart work and soul searching to get to that place of loving yourself. I’ve been there. It’s no easy road to walk but the dividends are worth it.

    And Danni, I completely agree. It’s better to be alone (not to be confused with lonely, which is another posts in of itself) than miserable with someone who doesn’t care for your heart.

    Thank you for this post. I pray it reaches everyone who needs to read it.

    Xo

  2. Shelly Ross

    Dani,
    I loved this read! My comment is we all NEED our dads to be dads, not just for their baby girls sake. If dads are not being the dads they should be to both baby boys and baby girls, boys will grow up not knowing how to be men and how to treat women and girls wont know how to be treated by men or know their worth.

    Its an ongoing battle in my eyes. I pray that the men out there rise up and be the men they are supposed to be and take care of their babies. I pray for your friend and her heart. I am so glad she has a friend like you to be there for her. I pray for her father, mother, aunt and boyfriend that one day they find God.

    I will be praying for your friend and I hope one day she learns how wonderful and beautiful she is. God bless her heart.

    Love,
    Shelly

  3. Lyah Lei'o

    Hi Twin,

    First of all, Thank The Good Lord for putting this on your heart to share. It hits home for what some of us women has gone through or have experienced, in some type of way. Danni, you are an Amazing Women of God.

    1 Corinthians 13:4-7

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    And to your bestfriend, I feel for her. I am so sorry for what she has gone through and is still going through as we write. I pray and hope that she realizes her worth. And that is the Beauty within her that is waiting to explode. She is Beautiful, She is Important, and She Matters. She is Love!! Please, send my Love to her, and I will definitely be Praying for Her Parent’s, Boyfriend, and Especially Her!!

    w. Love

    -Lyah Lei’o , Twin

  4. Morgan

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts Danni. It’s so true, Dads make such a difference in our lives as women. I’m so grateful to have a loving father. It’s because of him that my standards are so dang high!

    Our Heavenly Father is pretty awesome too, and honestly the best example of true love. Hanging on to Him sets my already high standards even higher.

    I’m praying for your friend!

  5. Marisa

    Your story hit home for me.. How I wish someone would have told me that I was loved, worthy,that I matter. As a child I was physically,emotionally and verbally abused. I have struggled with depression most of my life and the desire to feel important and loved is so strong that I have settled for less than I deserve because I have told myself that I should be so luck that someone would want me. I pray that your friend would be healed and that she would find the love that she deserves.

  6. Brooke

    Goodness… hearing this girl’s life makes me be so thankful for my family. What a STRONG woman she is. When you hit rock bottom there is nowhere to go but up. I hope this for her! About the single life — I wish more woman would see that it’s ok to want things for themselves… WITHOUT a “man” by your side at all times! Women need to realize (including myself) that problems don’t go away when a man is there, insecurities do not go away when a man is showering you everyday with compliments. Women need to have their own life before being someone’s wife. I hope and pray for all women that we hold ourselves to the standards we should; that we work hard and become the best WE can be, so a man then has to become his best, too! All those girls out there who do lean on guys are looking toward us single women for the answers!

  7. Kiara

    I honestly don’t know where to start. When i tell people that I’m years younger than i look but i feel so old they just laugh at me. I’m a child who (now i know) i am very sensitive to emotions. When people close to me hurt i hurt. Likewise when they are mad. Somedays i just can’t take it. Somedays i just want to be left alone​ and let my soul be a peace for a few hours. But when it’s 8am on the dot i have to put on that smile and pretend like my life is perfect to avoid that same caring question everyone asks. “Are you ok?” People also didn’t understand what i mean when i say my childhood ended at 5.
    Since my age of temperance (3) i lived a relatively happy life in a two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn with my Grandmother, Mother and older brother. I has raised by Caribbean parents. My father lived separately from us and barely came over. Maybe​ once in a blue moon to eat dinner in the middle of the night—alone. After i turned 7 we got eveictide​ and my mother, brother and I where forced to live with my father for 6 months. My grandmother went with a stranger who was renting a house in East New York. My​ father’s place wasn’t really liveable. It was a furnished basement where ran a little tailor shop in the back of it.

    My father was the main cause of my gref. He wasn’t patient. He was arrogant, aggressive, verbaly abusive​, stubborn…The list goes on. Like most Caribbean households “child abuse” is “disipline”. But he would say bad things about me, call me stupid, and so on when i didn’t follow through with his “orders”. He claims that he “loves me” but he always takes out his anger on other people. My brother had done something wrong and ended up punching a hole in the wall so my father kicked him out the house. He had to live with my grandmother. But then my mother had gone to meet him the next morning and came back with him. My brother tried to apologize for what he had done. I had just woken up from the nightmare that i found him dead. So when my mother told me that he was there i ran to meet him but my father stopped me. My brother’s last words where that he loved me before the walked out the door. My father yelled after him, “No you don’t.” He then sent me to my room and dealt with my mother. (He slapped her for bringing my brother back home) She came in crying a few minutes later not wanting to tell me what happened. So i told her about my dream. Then we prayed.
    We moved and lived at the back of a tailor shop for 5 years. My life seemed to run smoothly (other than the usual of my father verbaly abusing me) untill the death of my grandmother. When she was sick my brother was in his last year of highschool. He didn’t study or take the Regents test, failed highschool and fell into depression. My mother was a nervous reck and tryed along with my father to plan the funeral which involved shipping the body “back home”(Caribbean term for the country they came from). My brother was forced to move back in with us.
    Our last year living there we moved 5 blocks away to a one bedroom apartment. My mother, brother and i are the ones there while my father is still in the previous residence running his business. We like to think of it as our escape away from him. But just like when i was little he’d come in the middle of the night or early morning just to eat or tell us that we have to clean the place before we go to sleep/school/work. One time he came at 4 in the morning and poured hot water on our faces to start cleaning up. He didn’t let us break and we finally finished at 3 in the afternoon.
    One day i was coming from Japanese class and i had lied and told my father i was coming home soon. What i didn’t know was that the call was still going on and he over heard me talking with my friends, joking that we wanted to follow our teacher home to find out about his life he didn’t what to tell us about. I was sent to him and he thretned to beat me to death. I was terrified. He kept me there till 12 in the middle of the night knowing i had school the next day. I wanted to call the police but i was scared what he would do and if they would take my mother away too.
    His ex wife’s starts asking for thier child support, preventing him from getting his liesence. He also blames money that has gone missing on my mother result in stressing her out and stressing me out.
    Now I’m just moody and i wonder sometimes why i have to be put through this? What does God have in store for me in the future that he’s putting me through all this at such an early age? I’ve tried overdosing. I’ve been taught that comiting suicide is a sin, cowardly and “white”. I’ve been taught that if i call the police because my parents beat me i will be beaten even harder by both them and then my foster family. I can say I’ve found a “fill in dad”. My math and science teacher. He is the most well educated man and the most adoring gentlemen i have ever met. I don’t “have romantic feelings”. I just admire him alot. He’s everything that most men I’ve ever met are not. He’s the reason i want to be a lady and now i changed the way i see men. With the traits he possesses i like to remind him that sometimes he’s not human.
    There will be those good days and then there will be those bad days. The bad days reminds me to put my faith in God, to not want so much control over my life, and to look to my future and wonder what He has in store for me. The good days reminds me to cherish the few friends and others who value me, and to hold them dear.

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