How A Woman’s Porn Habit Can Affect Her Life

In Inspiration, She Speaks by Amanda Greer5 Comments

How A Woman's Porn Habit Can Affect Her Life-2

What age do you think most people start watching porn? Do you believe it is a male dominated hobby? What would you say if I told you that I’m a young, American woman who started watching porn at 11 years old?

My first risqué rendezvous’ was accidental. I stumbled on an unfamiliar sight while “channel surfing” one lazy afternoon. In the 90’s, the lower numbered channels on basic cable picked up pornographic content. Sometimes they were too fuzzy to see and other days I got a more detailed sex-ed lesson than any pre-teen needed. I was horrified, but interested, I couldn’t stop watching.

Porn became my go-to cure for boredom. If nothing else was on TV, I flipped through the fuzzy stations. I knew it was wrong to watch people partake in these intimate moments. However, curiosity always beat out the lingering thought in the back of my mind that I should change the channel.

By the time I finished middle school, many of my friends were experimenting sexually. I was too scared to act out my fantasies with a real boy so I allowed the ones on screen to teach me the ropes. This curiosity for knowledge turned into a habit I carried with me for the next decade. I shared my budding interest with friends in an effort to make them believe I was an open minded woman of the new millennium.

Obviously, I wasn’t close to being a woman nor did I understand how these habits would shake the very core of my identity.
For the most part, porn was a blip on the radar of my day-to-day activities. I watched it when the urge hit me or a celebrity video surfaced that became the topic of conversation. I didn’t crave it, need it or think that much about it until my mid 20’s. As I began to pursue a relationship with The Lord, I also began to be harassed with images from the past.
Day after day, freeze frames from movies I watched years ago swirled in my thoughts and wreaked havoc on my spirit. I never purposefully called them to mind, but they would not go away. I didn’t want to think about other people having sex while grocery shopping but there I was looking at chips with Paris Hiltons naked body swirling around in my brain.

At the time, I wasn’t aware that spiritual warfare is a real thing. I was blind to Satan’s ability to use my past against me. All those years I thought I was just “curious”; I filled up his arsenal with weapons to assist in my demise. Basically, I gave Satan a bullet, helped him load the gun & pointed the barrel to my skull.
Instead of recognizing this as an attempt of the enemy to distract me from my growing relationship with God, I questioned who I was and why God even bothered to love me.

If these images keep popping up in my mind, it must be because I want them there right. Since, most of them involve women; does that mean I am a lesbian?

I kept God at an arm’s length while I tried to “figure myself out”. I knew I didn’t want to dishonor Him by having homosexual relationships. Nor did I lust after women. I had no desire to “experiment” and see what other options were out there.

I begged God to heal me. I pleaded for Him to remove the burden on my heart. Make it stop God! Make it go away! But He didn’t, not immediately. He wanted me to think long and hard about why I was in this situation. He desperately loved me and did not want to lose his precious daughter to the deceitful allure of pornography. If my heart’s desire was to draw closer to God, why did these sexually immoral images control such a large real estate of my brain? Oh, that’s right. I put them there.
Time and time again I ignored that still small voice in the back of my mind telling me to turn off the TV. I told myself it’s no big deal, it’s just a movie. At least I am not having sex right?

God allowed me to come face to face with the harsh reality of my actions to show me how serious they really were. It’s not just movies. Porn ruins lives, marriages and the minds of all those who encounter it.
“In 2006, the sex-related entertainment business estimated revenues were just under $13 BILLION in the United States.” Due to illegal downloading and private clubs that do business behind closed doors, we may never know what the actual revenue total is.

Can we honestly say porn isn’t a big deal? I have 13 billion reasons that say it is! Especially because we are spending that much money on something that is meant to be free.
If we’re honest, most of us get the “warning” in our gut before we engage in explicit activities. If we’re really honest, we know porn is a problem. But we don’t want to admit it’s a problem for a few reasons:

  1. We have to admit we need to change.
  2. We don’t want to change because we are comfortable.
  3. It feels good to have a dirty little secret.
  4. We can’t blame others anymore and have to take responsibility for our part of the problem.
  5. We can’t blame our spouse’s fading beauty for our lack of interest.
  6. We can’t blame monogamy for our lack luster sex lives.

I could no longer blame curiosity and a quest for knowledge. We have to come face to face with the reality that we like porn and don’t want to stop.

My point in writing this isn’t to condemn anyone who still struggles to break free from the grasps of porn. I know how easy it is to be sucked into the world of mystery and intrigue. But consider these thoughts:

  1.  If you doubt if porn has harmful effects on your life, does it have any good ones?
  2. Do you know anyone that is a better father, wife or friend because they watch porn?
  3. Do X-rated movies add value to your relationships? I have yet to meet a single person who answered that question with an honest “yes”.
  4. If we know that it doesn’t bring good into our lives, why do we risk the possibility of it bringing bad?
  5. Instead of putting energy into hiding a secret intrigue, can we focus on improving our real life relationships? I wonder what would happen if we disconnected from the screen and reconnected with our loved ones.

Since I decided to disconnect, I’ve been swimming in a sea of God’s grace and forgiveness. I’ve come to know My Creator and myself in a way I never thought possible. Removing porn from my life brought countless positive effects. We must take the battle with porn seriously. If we don’t learn to control it, it will control us.

Comments

  1. Rene

    Wow, thank you thank you.
    I have had or has similar issues regarding this and it really spoke to me.

    I would have to spend more time with God and managing my mind and thoughts.
    I have laid it down and asked God to cleanse me from all i have seen, read and done but still don’t feel as if I really am clean.

    Thank you for making me feel better about this horrible secret. I really want to break the habit.

  2. Amanda Greer

    Satan will try to convince you that you are “still unclean” and can never get rid of it. But God forgives us fully & forever when we ask. Since you’ve done that, have confidence knowing you aren’t bound by those choices anymore. You are free! 🙂

  3. Krystle

    I have trouble with it too but I’m deciding instead of whining about how I have this problem like I used to do, I’m going to say I’m free I’m free I’m free like Joyce Meyer and Creflo Dollar says. Whenever I have a thought to be impure or even in the midst of doing it I will say I’m the righteousness of God because this is not who I am. Someone told me I have a dirty mind but I’m not going to accept that. I am free!

    1. Amanda Greer

      We all have dirty minds girl LOL. we are human. we think all sorts of inappropriate things.

      Sin comes naturally for us. We don’t have to try to take our thoughts to a bad place…. But good for you for not letting your struggle define you. That’s exactly what God wants for His children! FREEDOM!

  4. Kennedy

    I don’t know what to do. I liked a guy, we never really dated, he used to be smitten with me but then he started to withdraw. I didn’t know what went wrong. I pursued him to the point of completely embarrassing myself. Now he sees me as desperate and clingy and a little crazy, and I want to let go but I don’t. ..I don’t know what I want. I prayed and all that stuff, but I wanted him to love me back…I don’t know how I’ll ever face him again.
    I already heard the blah stuff ‘just live your life you are so young’ but that’s hard for me to live in the moment. I keep switching back and forth and now I’m dizzy. Please help

Leave a Comment