Grace. It’s a hard thing for us to wrap our heads around, it’s difficult to understand, but it is one
of the best feelings when you just feel the grace of Jesus wash over you. Like a flood, it rushes over
you – He pours out His love for you. There is no checklist. There is no rubric to follow. There is no
“that person is better than me and I am not worth it,” thought about it. His grace is enough. His grace
will always be enough. His grace saves you from the deepest and darkest pits in life and brings you
back to life in His light.
A couple of months ago I was idolizing this world in ways I never thought I would. I was
idolizing Godly relationships I saw because I wasn’t in one, I was idolizing un-Godly men because I
was unhappy with God’s timing for my “fairytale,” I was running away from Christ. I was running
from His grace, from His goodness, and from His love. This is never an easy thing to admit, but I know
that I am not the only one who has ever ran.
I didn’t feel worthy of His grace. I didn’t feel like I met the
benchmark to receive such a good and precious gift from Him. I was lost, alone, and empty. I needed
something to change. During this time I was in a dark pit, but no one noticed because I was really good
at putting on a front. I acted like things were going perfect, I only talked about the good parts of my life
– but never discussed my struggles.
One night it hit me hard that I had lost Jesus, I lost the
overwhelming feeling of His abundant grace. I let it slip through my fingers months before that. For at
least four months I was living off a checklist I had made up in my head – even though time and time
again before those four months of my life I had heard the verse – “For it is by grace you have been
saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8) countless
times. I thought I had understood it, but no I didn’t.
One night I decided enough was enough and living in the darkness was no longer an option. It
was draining me and I could feel something tug at my heart. At that point I started doing my quiet
times again, I started loving others, I started seeking the Lord more than I ever had before – not
because I had to so I could receive His grace, but because I wanted to finally grow more in Him
because I had felt so empty without Him.
A few months after I started pursuing Him harder than I ever
had before and one day when I was listening to a Christian radio station the song “Never Once” by
Matt Redman came on. The lyrics “Never once did we ever walk alone. Never once did You leave us
on our own. You are faithful, God, You are faithful. You are faithful, God, You are faithful” hit me
like a ton of bricks and tears started flooding out of my eyes. This was God’s way of telling me that He
never left me, He didn’t leave me alone in the dark – I was just too busy idolizing other things to notice
Him nudging me back to Him in any way He could. He didn’t leave me because five years before that I
accepted Him into my heart – I received His grace, not because I met criteria on a checklist, not
because I got a 100% on the rubric after every day I lived – but because I had faith in Him.
Sisters, it’s time we start having faith in Him. It’s time we stop thinking that we aren’t worthy.
It’s time to receive His grace with an open and thankful heart. Grace is an overwhelming concept to
grasp, but it’s a beautiful gift by the King of Kings to His children. You are His child and He loves you
so much – receive this beautiful gift and thank Him daily for it.
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