How To Decide Who Is In Your Inner Circle

In Devotions, Inspiration by Kristen Dalton Wolfe3 Comments

You cannot accomplish great things alone or with unproductive relationships. You need a team around you who will bring out the best in you. You want people who believe in you and who will go the extra mile to help you manifest your dreams.

It is absolutely amazing how quickly a positive, light-filled person can be darkened when they enter into a relationship with a person who is negative. We think we are invincible, that surely we will raise them up to see the Light too. Even if there is one negative person in your core group, it won’t take long for them to infect the dynamic with gossip, division and attention. The old saying is true, “It only takes one rotten apple to spoil the whole bunch.”

That isn’t to say that you can’t or shouldn’t love and minister to these people. It means you can’t let them into your core group. You must protect your inner circle with vigilance because those relationships are imperative to becoming and staying the radiant woman God made you to be.

Deciding who to let in your inner circle requires discernment and wisdom. Your personality type also matters too. For instance, I wanted to work with a team of people that was only working with me in my preparation for Miss USA. It was hard for me to feel safe with someone who was also working with my competitors.  This can be difficult when there are sponsors who want to be involved in your process because you don’t want to dishonor them. However, when you are preparing for a once-in-a lifetime opportunity, you can’t let your fear of upsetting people outweigh what is best for you.

Motivational speaker, Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” That is how small your inner core can be. Who are the closest people surrounding you right now? Do you admire their qualities? Are they people you want to be like? Do you trust them whole-heartedly?

You may not have an inner circle yet or maybe you have some developing to do.

Here is how to decide who your team should be:

1. Family: 

Family members like a sibling or parent can be awesome to have in your inner circle because you can be totally honest and completely vulnerable with them. They will always have your back, never gossip about you, and will love you unconditionally. You can usually let your hair down and say things with family members you can’t say around other people. Your family knows your heart and will speak candidly with you when you need it. My mother and sisters are definitely on my inner core list.

2. Mentors:

Our peers may not always be on our cheering team because glimpses of jealousy, control and drama tend to rear their heads at times. Choosing a mentor who is older than you, someone you admire and has accomplished or helped others accomplished similar goals is invaluable to have in your inner core.

3. Boyfriend/Husband: 

Given that you have a supportive, secure significant partner, they can make an awesome inner core member. It can strengthen your relationship to confide in and to help each other. When I was preparing for Miss USA, my boyfriend was a crucial part to my inner core. He served as a business manager, coach and encourager. My husband, Kris is my closest confidante now. He is constantly motivating me, editing my writings and praying with me among a long list of other things. Other than Jesus, Kris is my anchor.

4. A best friend who isn’t in your same space.

A close friend who isn’t competing with you is awesome to have in your corner. She or he can be great comic relief and remind you not to take yourself too seriously.

5. Coach: 

I typically don’t believe you should have to hire someone in your inner core, because you want people who want to be apart of your journey. However, if you don’t have access to someone who can coach you in your goal, then hiring someone to teach and coach you is important. Just make sure they keep all information from your time together private.


The 5 friends you need around you are:

The Encourager:

You want someone who will pray with you, intercede on your behalf and remind you of how awesome you are. You should feel rejuvenated after talking with them.

The Truth-Teller:

You need to balance out encouragement with accountability and honesty. This should be someone from which you receive constructive criticism well. You will never grow unless you can be honest with yourself and sometimes it takes another set of eyes to help us out.

The Wise One:

You need someone you can call and run ideas or dilemmas by. They will be your sounding board because they are in tune with God and offer sound advice. The way they live their life will be evidence of their wisdom.

The Expert:

An expert in your field of aspiration will help you think outside the box, presents ideas and pushes you to aim higher. They will be able to give you inside information because they have been there and done that.

The Strategist:

You absolutely need an organizer, someone who is detail oriented and knows how to connect the dots. They are the one who plans the party, makes the reservations, does the research and coordinates the schedule. 

Well-rounded relationships = The Sparkle Effect



Dear Father, 

Please help me to determine who I need to surround myself with. Help me realize that you created relationships and that I made for connection. I often want to do everything on my own because I don’t know who I can trust. Lord, I know that you say bad company ruins morals and I want to live a life worthy of my calling. Please help me to see who I need to let go of and give me the grace to do it kindly and respectfully. Strengthen me to stand firm in my decision and to not allow the reaction of a friend of family member cause me to crumble. I want to know what it feels like to understand that developing an inner core and protecting it is not self-centered, it is wise. I know that when I walk with the wise, I will become wise too. I no longer want to be brought down or allow others to stifle my potential. I pray that you will divinely appoint exactly who I need in my life and that we will recognize and vibe with each other right away. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Wonder Words:

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Iron sharpens iron, just as one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 ESV

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20 ESV

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6 ESV

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. 1 Peter 4:8-10 ESV

Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. Proverbs 22:24 ESV

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  1. Thank you SO much for this article & prayer at the end….I’ve had a very hard time in the last year discerning who my true friends are…& knowing my inner circle…a lot of my friends and people in life know a lot of my deep dark secrets…just because I tend to be a pretty open and honest person…I’ve always been that way until I’ve realized my own trauma and sensitivities. I also have believed much that sharing my stories helps others feel better….however, this last year I’ve learned the importance of privacy and protecting my heart. I still struggle with knowing who to trust but this prayer is so good. Thank you so much God bless you <3

  2. Thank you for such inspiration messages! I have come into a season where returning to where my dream died is essentional to me moving in the direction of my purpose. The dream is huge but I know my father God has equipped me with what I need to obey but I am frightened by the possibilities. Your prayer reminded me to not allow people to put me down and keep me there.

    Because family members can be so judgmental and cruel, I have a very dysfunctional family…part of the reason I gave up my dream in the first place. It’s come full circle now, I am being lead back to what I believe is my passion, God’s purpose for my life, wow, I said it! I continue to pray for direction, courage and endurance for the race the Lord has laid on my heart!

    Thank you for being that voice of encouragement!

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