Most of us know that a powerful method to self-love and self-confidence is speaking affirmations over ourselves. Affirmations are phrases or words that edify, uplift and encourage the goodness of who we are. They may look like this:
I am beautiful
I am confident
I am powerful
I am capable
I am worthy
I am more than enough
The purpose of speaking out affirmations like these is to focus on what we want to be, because the theory is whatever we focus on expands or manifests into reality.
However, many people have written me explaining how this doesn’t work for them at all, and that it actually drives some people crazy because they simply don’t believe it. I was speaking at a conference a few weeks ago and a girl said that saying things like, “I am beautiful” felt ridiculous, as if she was reaching for a false hope.
I totally understand why affirmations can be frustrating and even make things worse for some people. I struggled with the same feeling. Finally, one day I figured out what the secret was to making affirmations work for me.
When we are born into the world, we have no premonitions, no doubts, no insecurities or fears. We are free and pure from the affliction that we meet in the world. We are the original design of how God created us in the Throne Room. That’s why Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3.
Quick note: The Kingdom of heaven is basically the glorious realm you get to experience and operate in while living here on earth too. This verse isn’t talking about when you die and go to heaven. It’s talking about the kingdom of heaven now.
So here is the key…Close your eyes and go back in time to when you were a child. Remember your little girl self. Ask yourself this question:
When is the last time I felt uninhibited and free?
For me, I was seven years old. I remember the moment of feeling truly confident, fearless and creative, like the world was in my hands. I was having my picture made for the city newspaper because I had just won the County Young Author’s Award. My front tooth was missing and I was wearing a white collared shirt with a colorful vest. My mother still had that picture in a photo album and I asked her to mail it to me. If you can, try to find a picture of your free child self too. I’ll explain why.
Then ask yourself:
What was I like?
How did I feel?
What were my characteristics?
I even called upon my mama to help me with this list. I asked her to send me words that described me when I was seven years old. She clearly remembered that time in my life and sent me a whole list of words that totally resonated with me.
I remembered feeling all these things, but I had hidden some of the essence and beautiful uniqueness of my original design under a mask. A mask I had created to avoid of all the fears that had ironically formed it: The fear or rejection, isolation, depression and self-doubt.
I made a new list of affirmations based on seven-year-old Kristen and now those are the phrases I speak out to myself. Finally, I have a frame of reference that gives me a good reason to believe I am speaking out qualities that are actually true because I actually had been them at one time. I remember what it felt like.
Now, part of my list looks like this:
Remember that as a daughter of God, you have access to a new nature in Christ. That means that you can be renewed from anything you have ever done or ever gone through and have a sparkling, clean slate. Having a new nature in Christ means that you can believe the affirmations you speak over yourself.
If you don’t remember a time where you remember feeling and believing good things about yourself, then you still have hope. God gave His Word which is timelessly living and active and it discerns between lies, false beliefs, our wrong thoughts and what is the Truth. Here are some truths to get you started that are rooted in scripture.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
I am chosen
I was created and set apart for good works
I have plans for hope and a future
I am altogether beautiful, God sees no flaw in me.
You can also check out 16 Verses That Reveal Your True Identity for more affirmations based on the Truth. I also wrote a devotional called Rise Up, Princess specifically for the purpose of women revealing their true, royal identity as a daughter of the King. You can check it out here.
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