Is Jealousy Taking Your Joy?

In Inspiration by Kristen Dalton Wolfe5 Comments

Is Jealousy Taking Your Joy?

Is Jealousy Taking Your Joy?

Almost every woman struggles with one common and tough theme: JEALOUSY. It starts in grade school and never really ends. That’s why we are able to have such wildly successful reality shows about housewives and why there is cyber bullying and girls who spread rumors about each other. When I’m feeling overwhelmed with jealousy, I keep myself in check with this verse: “You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” James 4:2. Yeah…I had never read the last sentence of that scripture until now. Hello, heart check. It seems that the root of all jealously is a heart condition. Are we desiring and asking God for things with pure motives?

Social media doesn’t make staying pure-hearted easy. We are surrounded more than ever by a constant download of real-time updates on the better side of people’s lives. Or, the sides they get to choose. I would be lying if I said I never felt jealous of some of the cool, successful, gorgeous girls I follow on social media. What is the root of that nagging feeling, those bitter thoughts that take up too much space in our thought life?

Jealousy is being insecure in our skin and coveting what other people have. Jealousy is a good sign we are not keeping our eyes on Kingdom things. Instead, our eyes are wandering all around us, gazing at the blessings of others. Jealousy is qualifying the chick next to us as the standard. But this life is not a competition with everyone else. Every morning when we wake up, our standard should be, “What is the best version of myself? Am I living up to that?” Compare yourself to the first rate version of you, not the best replica of another girl.

It is true that there will be girls similar to you with similar looks, goals and interests. This makes it hard to feel “fearfully and wonderfully made” sometimes. It makes it difficult to believe we have a great and special plan when someone else seems to have it so easy or seems to always achieve the thing we want. But I have learned a secret on how to view these situations. Now, I think to myself:
“If she is being blessed and favored in her entertainment endeavors, then I will be too!” Or
“If God has blessed my friend with an amazing love story, then I am encouraged that He has a beautiful one for me too!” Start seeing other people’s blessings as a preview into the treasures God has in store for you. Turn your negative thought processes into positive ones.
“Wow! Look what God is doing in her life, I am excited to see what He is doing in mine.”
“Love and favor is clearly in the air for my friends…something is about to happen for me because I am loved and favored by my God.”

And I’m not just making this up! It’s promised in the Word in black and white:
“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” Psalm 15:5-6.

Don’t give up when others are being blessed. Get ready to catch the wave!

Feelings sometimes have to follow our words and actions. Therefore when you aren’t feeling genuinely happy for another’s accomplishments, speak good words about her: “I am happy for her. She works really hard and deserves this success.” “I love to see how His daughters and my sisters thrive in Favor.” Support your friends.

However, if it is someone who is consistently evoking negative feelings, bitterness and resentment; unfollow them on social media. Remove the things in your life that take up space in your heart and mind with crippling darkness. It can be helpful to separate yourself from this person if the situation permits. But if the circumstance forces you to be around each other, I suggest taking the initiative to collaborate on ideas and learn from each other. Disarming your pride, becoming vulnerable and admitting that you can learn from someone you are jealous of is liberating. Communication and camaraderie eliminates animosity and your stinging feelings of jealousy will begin to shrink.

Remember, girls compete with each other. Women empower each other.


  1. Kristen,

    This is so good! Women need to hear this. Thank you for your words and backing them up with the power of scripture.

    Love this blog.


  2. Kristen, I recently read “Your Beautiful Purpose” by Christian author Susie Larson. She shares one great tip that I’ve been using lately to stop jealously in its tracks….Prayer! And not praying for God to take our jealousy away, but actually praying in that moment for the woman that you are feeling jealousy toward. The minute you realize that you’re beginning to feel jealous of another girl/woman, find a quiet place and lift her up in prayer. I’m not sure why this works, but it is nearly impossible to remain jealous of someone while praying that she is provided for, protected, and that God’s best-case-scenario for her life becomes her reality….

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