This last week has been incredibly tough. I felt like I am my 16 year old emotional self again. I probably had a crying attack every other day for no reason or not a great one. My capacity for stress is much lower than normal.
I am hosting and producing a show, planning a conference, a retreat, Kris’s birthday, working on talks for upcoming speaking events, leading two women’s groups, managing our calendar, the household and adding a style portion to my blog…while growing a human. I mean that’s probably nothing to most super women/super moms out there. But for me, it has felt like unmanageable at times.
I realized I was back in performance mode, in this hustle of making sure I’m setting myself up for the security of caring for my daughter when she arrives. On Wednesday, I hit a breaking point and questioned if I was supposed to press in or surrender. Do you ever have that question?
I was supposed to lead women’s group that night and had nothing prepared. Texts started rolling about an hour before, cancelling. Usually, that’d make me sad. But this time, I was relieved. There were only three girls left confirmed to come. I was so close to cancelling it myself. But I remembered, this isn’t my women’s group. This is God’s group that He asked me to steward. So I petitioned Him and said, “If I am unfit to lead tonight, will you have the remaining three girls cancel? If they don’t, I will push through, but you have to take over because I have nothing in my own strength to give.”
God didn’t cancel it. Four girls came and I told Him, “you’re on tonight. Shine bright!” In the remaining 30 minutes before they arrived, He laid on my heart to be open with the girls about what I was going through. As a leader, I don’t share from a place of vulnerability until I have gotten to the other side and have a lesson or message of hope to go with it. I felt really uncomfortable sharing from the pit with no light at the end of the tunnel. But that is exactly what He wanted.
The girls ended up ministering to me that night. It was so refreshing and sweet to my soul. It was definitely hard to receive at first because I feel responsible to pour into them and make the time worth their long drives. The next morning, I felt lighter and relieved, completely surrendered to God.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to let people in to minister to your heart. It’s amazing how healing and nourishing it can be.
I hope you enjoy pregnancy vlog part 1 of week 25. Part two is coming tomorrow.
Please share if this blessed you!
This weekend was Kris’s birthday and we took a road trip to Salvation Mountain. I decided to don a beachy sweater dress by free people and a white lace baby doll dress by Ingrid & Isabel. Check out my day time, road trip, maternity look.
You can shop my looks here: