The ground rules need to be set in the beginning. How you see yourself determines largely how someone will treat you. What is tolerated in the dating phase will set the tone for the relationship. It has less to do with what you say and more to do with how you act and the boundary lines made known from the beginning. Ladies, the foundational principle in how a man learns to treat you has to do with your self-respect. If he has a problem with it, it might actually be a red-flag.
1. Your time is valuable:
My husband scheduled our first date a few days in advance because I could not be available on a whim. Sorry! Also, he agreed to have me home by 10:30 pm. This let him know that my time was valuable and I wasn’t desperate to be out all night.
2. You are worth being courted properly:
I also did not agree to meet him anywhere in the first few dates. It might sound crazy to some of you because of how “times have changed,” but all I have to say is…it really shouldn’t be up to you to make is “easy” or more “convenient” for a man to date you. My husband drove an hour to come pick me up at my place every single time in the first phase of dating. It made his intentions very clear and allowed me to feel secure in how he felt about me. You are worth being picked up at your house and courted like a lady.
3. You commit after there is a proposed commitment:
Are you always available and committed before there has actually been a commitment made? If he hasn’t committed to you 100% yet, then guess what? Neither should you. A trademark of a real man is decisiveness. He should know you are not just waiting around for him to open his eyes to the treasure in front of him, and you certainly aren’t doing wifey things trying to earn his love. You ain’t gonna convince him that way. At the end of the day, some guys don’t know what they are missing until it’s actually missing. That is why they were designed to pursue.
4. Your heart is worth guarding:
How do you allow him to speak to you? It should not happen to begin with, but the first time he makes a belittling, shaming or demeaning comment to you, nip it in the bud and let him know that will absolutely not be tolerated. There are plenty of calm, constructive & adult-like ways to communicate negative feelings without attacking or tearing you down. You can let him know by telling him and even getting off the phone or taking some space. If it continues, let him go.
5. You are worthy of defining the relationship:
Any man should be proud of you and confident to introduce you to his friends and family as his girlfriend. If he keeps making excuses as to why this hasn’t happened, honor yourself in initiating a conversation that defines the relationship. You need to see that your man is going to stand up for you at all times and he needs to realize that is what you deserve.
If you are in currently in a long term relationship that didn’t start ideally, you can still make changes. It is definitely harder to do later, but start with a conversation with your guy, let him know your feelings and outline clearly how you would like things to be improve.
Now, don’t get it twisted and think, “Oh but I don’t want to pressure him, I don’t want to be overbearing, he needs his space.”
This is not about putting pressure on your guy or about being a diva. This is about seeing yourself the way your Creator sees you, deciding what kind of relationship you want and then carrying yourself in a way that paves the path to an epic love story. A love story with mutual respect.
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