Everything we say and do flows from our identity. Often times, we may not even know what that means. Aside from our accomplishments and volunteer work, we couldn’t begin to explain who we are. It isn’t entirely surprising. Our society grooms a culture that celebrates busyness and productivity. Therefore, we have it all backwards and think that if he “have” this, we will be able to “do” what we want and then we will finally “be” worthy.
That twisted formula happens in relationship and dating dynamics too and can be deadly. When people are defining their identities based on what they do, it makes them quite shell-like and susceptible to wearing whatever mask they need to wear to fit the occasion in order to win approval. We all have ways of proving we are worthy. For some young men, they over-compensate their insecurities by putting on a puffed up image of themselves bragging about how many “notches in a bedpost” they have in order to prove their man-hood. It’s not even what they really want, they just think that’s the key to be approved of and taken seriously. As women, our insecurities fault us when we seek approval from a guy by giving them what we think they want, sex.
We are mislead into thinking, “If I give him what he wants, then I will feel validated and ultimately be loved.” But most of us probably know, this is entirely backwards and rarely works out for our good. Seeking approval from a guy in order to feel validated normally leads to us selling out and giving it up to the wrong guy or too soon. God says to “above all else guard your heart, for from it flows the wellspring of life.”
When you know who you are, a Daughter of the King of Kings who is individually outrageously loved with a great love story waiting for you, you will not feel the need to seek approval from any man, especially by giving him your body. Your body is a treasure that houses the Divine Presence and any man who deserves your heart will pursue just that, your heart. Not your body first. Sex is the final expression of love, it is the icing on the cake. That is why when sex comes before love, it is confusing not only to our hearts and minds, but to our actual hormonal anatomy. Sex is a beautiful thing created by God, why give waste it on someone who doesn’t treasure you the way you deserve?
I made a decision at an early age to save my sexual purity for my husband. Aside from honoring God in this, I realized I was actually honoring myself and holding my value in high regard. This decision served as an excellent filter in my dating life because if any man didn’t respect it, well…there was no second date. I married a man who values me like the treasure God says I am and even showed me how God loves me.
You can have this too. It is never too late to change how you’re doing life. Even if you don’t feel worthy because of your past, you can start making small decisions today that will ultimately show you that do deserve the life you have imagined. Be persistent, stay the course. Make your own expectation that you want to live up to, don’t feel pressure to live within the box that someone else has constructed for you. Take the reigns of your life and start living like the princess you were originally designed to be. Your feelings will eventually follow your actions. It all comes down to honor. Honoring your body, your worth and the divine creation that you are. All that matters is that your Creator says, “You are MORE precious that rare jewels.” Proverbs 3:15.
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