“You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Psalm 18:28
If you want to be renewed, if you want to be who jesus says you are, then you have to be honest with yourself. Doesn’t it feel good when someone admits when they are wrong to us and sincerely apologizes? It makes it even easier to forgive when they do it quickly without a whole long session of defenses, justifications & excuses.
There’s a reason proverbs says that pride comes before the downfall of a man. He just walks around insisting he’s right all the time, he can never say sorry or admit when he’s wrong. Does anyone find that to be attractive? When I was dating, pride was actually the #1 red flag to me. It signified that when conflict arose, it wouldn’t be handled swiftly. In relationships, conflict is bound to arise, the difference is made in how it is handled. The same is true in the relationship with ourselves. We are bound to make mistakes and we have character flaws. Just like there is freedom and relief when someone quickly admits when they are wrong to us and we can move past it, there is also freedom in letting down our pride and admitting to ourselves that we are wrong. Lately, as I have been fervently trying to be transformed and strengthened, I’ll say, “God… I am so sorry. I know you didn’t make me this way. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to justify my actions anymore, but as much as I try to change, this ugly pattern keeps coming back. Can you show me why? You say that I have been made new and in your image. I feel such a conflict of my flesh and spirit. I need your Holy Spirit to guide me. Reveal to me the root of this behavior and give me the humility to see clearly.
Being honest with ourselves and God is the first step to true transformation. Revealing our struggles through journaling and prayer can provide so much revelation and ah-hah moments that can lead to beautiful renewal. This is something that perhaps many of you do already and if you do, you know it can be pretty hard sometimes. It’s not the most comfortable thing to be brutally honest with yourself on paper. The tendency of my old self would be to justify my actions. I’d say, ” Well if she wouldn’t have said that, then I would have reacted that way.” Or everyone always picks on me, they just don’t understand me.” “If only they would apologize.” But truthfully, when we take our broken selves humbly to God, he reveals things to us that help connect the dots. He shows us the why behind the what.
Since God revealed deeply rooted patterns I had developed, I could see that they
were not actually meant, designed and created to be there by His plan. It gave me the freedom to see that I really am worthy and meant for love, meant for a covenant marriage and meant to master love, patience, confidence, peace & joy, and then to receive and walk into all of his blessings and promises. Of course, when you have been living a certain way your entire life, your transformation isn’t going to happen overnight. It is a journey and the key is being open to learning. It’s exciting if you think about it, it’s this cool divine, relationship with you and The Creator. He is refining you to be the Princess he destines you to be. All you have to do is partner with him instead of the enemy.
“He redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, and I will live to enjoy the light.” Job 33:28
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