I was in a 7th grade bible study when I made the vow to God to save my purity for my husband. Throughout high school and college, people would say, “there’s no way you’ll stay a virgin” or “don’t you want to test drive the car before buying it?” “what if you don’t have good sex once you’re married and then you’re trapped?” I thought, “I’m pretty sure if God has asked me to do something, it’s for a real good reason. Actually, I figured this would be an extremely good way to quickly filter out who was husband material and who wasn’t.
If a man doesn’t respect and even treasure your decision to wait until marriage, then he probably isn’t the man you want. Compromising your values in order to get a guy to like or accept you isn’t a good way to start off a relationship. Sex before marriage is common and acceptable in our society, especially since we are desensitized by the constant, underlying messages of sex in the media. I have talked to so many women who say they wish they would have waited, but didn’t have anyone tell them it was okay or explain the value in it.
I believe a lot of heartache, emotional distress, confusion, unplanned pregnancies and diseases could be prevented if young women believed they were worth waiting for their husband. Obviously, this can be a sensitive topic and people are more than welcome to disagree with me. I want to speak to the young women who haven’t been equipped and informed that being abstinent is cool, beautiful and rewarding.
If you have already been sexually active, that’s okay too. It’s never to late to set new standards and be who you want to be.
Here are 5 reasons why Purity is Powerful:
1. It Maintains Wholeness:
When women have sex, a chemical is released in our brains called oxytocin. It is a chemical that bonds babies and mothers together through nursing. “When it is released during an orgasm, it begins creating an emotional bond — the more sex, the greater the bond.” – Dr. Fisher, people.howstuffworks.com. Therefore, you are literally bonding yourself to that person, which is why women typically get emotionally attached. Think of this chemical as a glue that has melded you to this guy. When he leaves you or you breakup, it’s as if a piece of you is actually ripped off. Physically giving yourself fully to someone is a bigger deal than movies and the common pressure that “everyone else is doing it” makes it seem.
2. It Separates Boys From The Men:
When we are in a relationship, it is important to have clear discernment of his character and how he treats you. Clear discernment and true intimacy can be clouded when sex is involved. Studies have shown that women can confuse sex with love and intimacy while the guy is perceiving things differently. The popular saying is, “women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex.” This means that just because he says he loves you or sprinkles you with flattering compliments doesn’t mean anything until he is showing you on a consistent basis…without sex involved. Then you can be clear on what his true motives are.
3. It Evokes Respect:
Men respect a girl who has self-respect. “A woman who respects her beliefs is always in integrity and men are very attracted to a woman who respects herself. If he doesn’t, do you really want to date that man anyway?” -John Aslay, Dating & Relationship Coach. Even though he might be pushing for sex or really want it, men ultimately will have respect for what he earns. Having sex too soon makes it easy, and men rarely choose easy for a long-term relationship. If a guy is pushing for sex despite your desire to wait, he really should be a no-go. You should only have to express your standards once and his reaction to that will speak volumes about his man-quality status.
4. It Protects Your Health:
You don’t have to worry about taking harsh drugs like the morning after pill or a condom tearing or an unplanned pregnancy when you are remaining sexually pure. You also don’t have to worry about contracting any STD’s. You are literally honoring your body, which by the way is a temple in which God likes to dwell, in order to have beautiful, gratifying, guilt-free sex in the power of a life long, committed covenant. And that guy you waited for, let me tell you, he will be SO worth it for many reasons. For starters, he honored and cherished your faithful heart in your commitment to wait for marriage.
5. You Live in Freedom:
God values sex being within the covenant and protection of marriage so much that he says, “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.” Exodus 22:16. We are not intended to give ourselves out to multiple people. However because of our chemical responses to sexual images; advertisers and entertainers use them in order to get us hooked and increase sales.
Just because our culture has made it “normal” does not mean it is for our benefit. The desires that we are tempted by and give into in the moment are the things that eventually weigh us down, that leave us with regret and shame. Save yourself unnecessary damage. Living in purity is living in freedom.
Ultimately, as chosen daughters of God who have been called to radiate light, we should never feel pressured into something we don’t want to do, especially to earn love. It isn’t easy to be the light and walk the narrow path. Making a solid decision about something before you get into the situation makes it a lot easier to stay strong.
And then they will shine among them like stars in the Universe. Philippians 2:15.
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Check out my devotional, 60 Days to Revealing Your Royal Identity: