It can be so easy for what Jesus did on the cross to fall to the back-burner of our life becoming something we talk about or read about, but don’t feel or resonate to the core of our being.
For the last several weeks, I have felt so overwhelmed with responsibilities and to-do’s on the calendar. Anxiety wracked my body with knots and my mind felt like it could explode at any moment. In the midst of all of it, I knew this wasn’t how I was supposed to feel as a daughter of the King. God was living inside me, but I wasn’t giving him much attention. I prayed and asked him to give me peace, clarity and guidance, but it wasn’t enough and peace didn’t come.
It wasn’t enough because I was seeking his hand, or what he could do for me, instead of seeking his face. “My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek.” Psalm 27:8.
I wasn’t making time to just be still with Him, to drown in His presence, to soak in His love. While I was in Israel this past week, I learned that in the verse, “Be still and know that I am God,” be still in Hebrew means to let go. How good is that? I had to let go of control of all the things I thought I had to do on my own, that I thought God was too busy for, and fix my eyes back on Him.
I was really lucky that a trip to Israel intercepted the crazy whirlwind going on in my life. I spent this last week visiting all of the holy places where Jesus walked, taught and prayed. In this time, I allowed myself to fully let go and be present in His presence. In every place, I shut everything else out around me, closed my eyes and encountered heavenly visions.
One of the days, we went to the Garden of Gethsename, the place where Jesus prayed with the Father before we was arrested and ultimately led to crucifixion.
And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. Luke 22:41-44.
I got to be in the garden where Jesus was and He gave me a personal revelation of what He did for me on the cross.
As I looked out and replayed the story in my mind, I saw a vision: I was with Jesus in the garden as He was sweating blood in agony and praying to God. I was kneeling down next to him, wiping his brow and begging him to run away from his captors. As he stood up, I grabbed hold of his robe and said, “Jesus, please don’t leave me, you don’t have to do this. Please run away so they don’t find you.” He turned to face me and said, “I have to do this for you. I promise it will be better for you. You will understand soon. And then he walked away to be arrested. I sat there at the stone, crying.
Then I was at the foot of the cross sobbing over what they had done to my savior, my prince, my father figure, my love, my best friend, my everything. His eyes were rolled back in unconscious, but when he heard my tears, his eyes opened and he looked down at me. Warmth was in his eyes and he smiled at me and said, “I promise….”
Finally, after his spirit left his body, I was suddenly blanketed in white and shimmer. Glimmer went up through me to all my limbs, heart and mind and shackles were unlocked I didn’t even know were binding me. I was set free in a realm of pure love, fear was obliterated, and my hope was in my home in heaven.
Jesus met me on the hilltop and placed a crown of light and stars on my head. He wore a crown of thorns so I could wear of a crown of stars. He was cursed on the tree so I could be blessed with every spiritual blessing.(Galatians 3:13.) Suddenly I was seated in in heavenly places with an authority that was all loving, but extremely powerful. (Eph 2:6.) The enemy was shooting arrows at me from his darkness, but they dissolved before they ever even reached me. (Isaiah 54:17.) No attack could prosper because my mind, focus and spiritual self was floating and dancing above them.
After this vision, I realized what the hope of Christ really meant. The hope we have is knowing that our true home is in heaven, we will always be comforted and strengthened by the power of Jesus that lives within us. Even if our circumstances are never what we want them to be, God will always use them for glory.
Today, I am back home in Los Angeles and the same calendar I left behind is happy to greet me again. But now, I feel peace in facing it all. I have so much to do, a lot of decisions to make, many of which I don’t know the answers to and projects to wrap up that I don’t know how to begin. But the time I just spent encountering the face of Jesus has filled my cup up to overflow.
You don’t have to take a trip to the Holy Land to encounter Him. All you need is a heart after His and a quiet mind. My favorite way is through journaling or soaking to worship music. I recommend the song, God’s Romance by Rusty and Jessica.
Surrender your worries onto him, praise him for all He has done and trust that He will show up in however He wants to.
Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. James 4:8
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