The last two weeks were rough. It was an emotional pregnancy wave. I thought I had finally conquered morning sickness and left it behind in the first trimester. I was still waking up to nausea induced coughing some mornings, but other than that I was okay as long as I had a bagel right away 🙂 I could barely move from bed because my body was so tired, so I had to rely on Kris to get it for me.
But then, a two day storm hit me with violent vomiting and dehydration. I couldn’t keep anything down and all I could do was lay on the bathroom floor waiting for the next round of bile to come up. I was so scared for my baby and wondered if I’d need to go to the hospital for IVs. I prayed the entire time for her safety. When it finally passed, I felt so wiped out and beaten up I think it left me weak and vulnerable for the raging pregnancy hormones to come raining down.
I was getting teary at the thought of not being the best wife to Kris lately, feeling guilty for getting irritable for no good reason and just overall tired of not feeling great. I felt the emotional pregnancy feelings creeping on stronger and it was like I was a 16 year old girl again. One night, I sat up in bed and unexpectedly the floodgates broke. I sat there hyperventilating, uncontrollably sobbing.
Everything that I’m doing, trying to do and not doing well came tumbling down on me like a ton of bricks. I felt so insufficient and inadequate, like the pressure of everything combined with the inability to do it all made it hard to breathe. Poor Kris had no idea what to do or what was going on.
The next morning, I woke up in a sobbing, emotional pregnancy, hangover. You know what I’m talking about. When you’ve cried so hard, your face is swollen and you feel exhausted. I spent the rest of the day recovering, trying to process what was going on and praying to balance out.
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I usually am really regimented in my daily productivity. I haven’t been shopping for clothes in over a year and with a baby coming, I don’t want to spend money on frivolous things or on clothes I won’t be able to wear after. But when my wonderful husband said…”I want to take you downtown to photograph you this weekend” I thought, hmm I don’t have anything to wear.
The three ingredients that brightened my emotional week were:
- A hubby
- With a Camera
- A new dress (or two)
With so many of my mama friends encouraging me to go easy on myself and to do something that makes me happy, I took them up on it. On Friday I decided to take the afternoon leisurely. I went to the gym, then stopped at Starbucks to get my favorite caramel macchiato and then strolled into my favorite store, Free People. That was a total mistake by the way. I was originally planning on going to Forever 21 as clothes are a 1/4 of the price there. But it was such a nice day out, so I decided to stroll along Ventura Blvd instead. Of course the moment I stepped in the doorway, I was in heaven. I mean the clothes there literally speak to me. It’s like they were made for me. I had to seriously use process of elimination to decide on the two I wanted to leave with. And guess what? God was totally on my side, because when I got to the register one was 80% off and I thought it was full price!
Now I felt excited for a morning with my husband downtown LA to take some photos. Best of all, he took me to the Walt Disney Concert Hall which is beautiful!
I love feeling whimsical and just donning these new dresses that capture my essence made me come alive. That combined with a loving husband who made it his mission to make me feel beautiful brightened my dampened week.
If you’re having an emotional pregnancy week, I always recommend prayer, pursuing a love relationship with God as a first and foremost. But, it’s okay to give yourself permission to feel beautiful and to splurge on something that you don’t normally treat yourself with. Maybe you and your man or friend can have a little photo shoot while you’re at it!
You can shop all the jewelry and dresses at Free People.