Insecurity comes in many different masks. It isn’t just the person who is quiet, timid and passive. I have struggled with insecurity in various aspects of my life and it has held me back from being the force I was designed to be.
I decided I wanted to get rid of insecurity in me because I wanted to experience freedom in all its’ fullness. Free from being easily offended, free from fear of judgement and free from the fear of rejection. I’ve read 3 different books on it and in my studies, I have put into practice some key profound truths that have helped powerfully.
First, the most important thing to realize is that when we are afraid of people or what they can do to us, we are making them bigger than God. We are telling ourselves that we need that person, we need their approval and their acceptance. When we need something or someone, it has control over us. As daughters of God, we are called to fear God alone, not people.
“Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety.” Proverbs 29:25
Here are two truths to keep in mind when you are tempted to be controlled by people.
1. Need less, love more.
This has been the most helpful phrase to me. Even the good things we do can be with impure motives. For example: Are we helping our friend because we love them or because we need them to need us?
Our well-being and identity is secure in Christ, not people. Our eternal citizenship is in heaven, not on earth. When a friend forgets to invite us somewhere or a family member continually doesn’t appreciate us, it’s natural to feel hurt, offended and even angry. I am guilty of it. But when you step back and say, “but I don’t need them to praise me to be secure, I don’t need them to invite me places to be secure…and since I don’t need them to validate me, I can love them more with pure motives.”
Re-aligning your mindset with this truth will cause the priorities, people and happiness in your life to shift drastically. You will be able to set boundaries without feeling guilty because even if they are mad, it’s okay because you don’t need them to like you. Generally, they will get over it eventually and re-learn how to treat you. When we aren’t motivated by a need we have from people, we can love them more from an elevated, pure and healthy place.
2. If______, then God will take care of me.
Fill in the blank with your worst fear with the worst thing that could happen to you. Imagine all the steps you would go through if this thing happened. Keep asking yourself, okay then what? then what? then what? When you get to the end, you will most likely end up with coming back to God.
For me, the worst thing that could happen is me losing my husband, Kris. The thought of it is paralyzing and I can’t imagine how life would go on. But when I get to the end of my downward spiral, I believe and I trust that God will meet me where I am and show me beautiful redemption and restoration.
Learn to relinquish your big fears and your small anxieties about what if?
What if that person gossips about me? Then God will cover my reputation.
What if my boyfriend cheats on me? Then God will heal my heart.
What if my mother dies? Then God will hold me, shelter me and nurture me through it.
Here are some amazing verses to save on your phone to remind of you of your security when you are feeling scared or anxious.
“Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. 1 Peter 3:14
“Teacher, they said, “we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are. ” Matthew 22:16
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. Psalm 16:5
Remember, when you are afraid to do something because you fear what someone may think, do, or say…you are making people bigger than God. You don’t need anything from people to be secure, that comes from God alone.
Patiently wait for God alone, my soul! For he is the one who gives me confidence. Psalm 62:5
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