Learning the balance between trusting too much and becoming jaded can be a little challenging at times. As humans, we were created to be relational so it isn’t good to shut people out, isolate ourselves and pre-judge others when we have been disappointed or betrayed. However, it is vital to be discerning in how much trust, hope and confidence we put in someone. I am trusting by nature so when I met someone I liked as a young girl, I put all my heart and trust in them. Obviously that led to many a heartbreak and disappointment.
I sought some wisdom from my pastor on the issue and he showed me T.D Jakes philosophy on 3 different types of friends.
1. The Confidante: Friends for you. He says if you intertwine with two or 3 of them your entire life, you are blessed.
2. The Constituent: Friends who are for what you are for or represent,
3. The Comrade: friends who are against what you are against.
The confidante is the best kind of friend because they love you for you, loving you no matter what the circumstances are, they cheer you on when it’s time to celebrate and are by your side through times of trouble. The other two types of friends may only be there within the scope of how it is beneficial for them. Sometimes we can continue to be let down when we are holding a person in a regard in which they do not see us in return. But when we know where they stand for us, our expectations will adjust accordingly. That is quite freeing.
Being hurt and upset is no fun. We are taught to confront people on their behavior when we feel inflicted, but it is wise to process feelings before we speak. Our feelings can deceive us. A great way to be free of hurt feelings or bitterness is learning to think how they think. If you try to understand their actions from your perspective, you’ll get nowhere. When you can process an event from their perspective, 90% of your agony will probably be eliminated. We can forgive more quickly and give grace much more easily this way. Ahhh breathe, it takes a load off.
Even Jesus who is the ultimate symbol of love and grace did not put all of his trust in man.
“But Jesus didn’t trust them, because he knew human nature.” John 2:24. His disciple Peter was one his closest friends, as close as a brother. Yet Jesus knew in advance he would betray him 3 times. Peter betrayed Jesus in his final moments of life after they had spent every single day for years together ministering the Love of God. But Jesus was able to give grace because he understood it came from a place of fear. He was able to give grace quickly because He trusted his heart and life to one person alone and that was God.
Believe the best about your friends intentions, see through eyes of compassion and have a healthy understanding of how they see you.“It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans.” Psalm 118:8
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