The hookup culture is real on college campuses and hookup apps are making it worse. Ladies, coming from a former Miss USA, I know our heart’s desire is to feel lovely, noticed and valued. I know the struggle is real to maintain your values when it isolates you or makes you feel alone. I know it’s hard to say no to a guy you really like, hoping that he will respect your dignity, only to see him swiftly move on to the next girl. But true validation of our beauty and worth doesn’t come through sex or hook-ups, it actually leaves us emptier and more broken than before.
Girls have a false narrative that says sex leads to love. We know men love sex so we believe if we give them what they want, then they will love us in return.
But this belief is not true and it is not reality. Let’s just go ahead and cut to the chase: If a guy stops calling you or loses interest in you because you won’t have sex with him, then he doesn’t love you or respect you. Honestly, you should be glad if he leaves you for that reason because he just gave you all the clarity you need to say, “#NEXT!” That ridiculous reasoning says all kinds of things about the guy. Here are a few: He is entitled, impatient, chauvinist and immature.
Anything worth having is worth waiting for. So if a guy is incapable of recognizing the treasure in front of him when he looks at you, then please don’t waste your time, your heart or your tears. Gladly let him go.
As a daughter of God, you are a lady with self-respect and standards. You shouldn’t need to explain yourself or feel the need to justify your decision to honor your body. If he doesn’t think your decision to uphold your purity is the most beautiful, precious thing he’s ever heard of, then you need to let him go STAT so you can leave space in your life for your actual, real, dream husband to walk in. Don’t waste your energy trying to make people understand your values or worth.
It all comes down to knowing your self-worth and being willing to wait for the best that God wants to give you.
If you are sitting here thinking, “Kristen, you’re crazy, I’m not worthy of anything good and certainly not God’s best. I’ve already messed up too much.” It’s not too late for you because God is bigger than your past, your mistakes and all the unjust memories that make up your false beliefs. You can make a decision right now that you are going to start living like you believe you deserve more.
It all starts in what you decide to believe.
Erase the thoughts and voices in your head that say you are damaged goods, that you are not good enough, that you aren’t lovable and that you aren’t whole. Acknowledge them, maybe even write down all the negative self-talk in your head that isn’t serving you. And then rip up the paper and delete it from your mind.
Replace them with the truths that say:
“You are chosen.” John 15:16
“You are royalty.” 1 Peter 2:9
“My value is more precious than rare jewels.” Proverbs 31:10
“My body is sacred and honorable.” 1 Corinthians 6:19
“I am a daughter of the King.” 2 Corinthians 6:18
“I have authority in Christ.” Colossians 2:10
I wrote this devotional, Rise Up Princess specifically so young women could truly understand and confidently embrace their royal identity.
Your voice carries authority and standing firm in your values will garner rejection from people who shouldn’t be in your life anyway. You are a chosen daughter of the King of the Universe. Feeling confident in that identity starts with thinking, talking, acting and living like it.
Start with deleting your hookup app. Then maybe stay in and have a girls night tonight. Your validation doesn’t come from boys, it comes from the One who created you and has already given you His stamp of approval.
If this message blessed you, be a blessing by sharing with others.