Starting the first week of the new year, I had agreed to do so many things that I thought I could take on. I kept my usual job with my regular hours, worked two nights after my regular job teaching piano and voice lessons, helped at the high school during the mornings and afternoons of my days off, and went to practices two nights a week for the school’s musical to play the piano. This doesn’t include any of my volunteer positions and personal things in my life that I’ve been dealing with, along with weddings I’m planning, large concerts I’m accompanying for, and numerous things that people have asked me to do.
One night, rehearsal was cancelled and my mother asked me if I was happy about it. My reaction? “Well, I really need the money.” She quickly responded with, “What do you need all this money for? All you do is work.” She was right. I was working my life away, too tired on the weekends to actually go out and see my friends, and for what? I can pay my bills just fine. I can afford a few treats for myself now and then. Why have I been working so much?!
I thought back to the jobs I have taken on, many that won’t end until mid-March, and realized that I have to cut some things out of my life. While I love all the things I do, I have found that I lost that love when I piled all of those things on top of each other. When you have a Post-It Note in your car with your weekly schedule on it so you don’t forget where you’re going, you know you have officially taken on too much.
I can’t work on my only days off. I need time to myself. I need time to go on a day-trip to visit my friends. I need time to focus on what’s best for me. I forgot about myself through all of this.
I can’t work every night of the week after working all day long. It’s exhausting and it’s starting to show on me physically. I’ve lost six pounds just since January started because I haven’t had time to eat dinner many nights.
I can’t double-book myself. I’ve planned so many things for the same weekends that I’m not even sure how I’m going to make it everywhere.
Why did I take on all these jobs? Because I convinced myself that I would let everyone down if I didn’t. Many of these things I have done all through high school and college and now that my life is going in a different direction, I’m still convinced that I have to do it all. Now I know I can’t. People always say “God never gives you more that you can handle.” They forget that God actually never gives you more than you can handle alone. I wouldn’t survive these few months successfully without Him keeping me going. However, He knows that I’m exhausted mentally and physically. Will people hate me for turning down a few job opportunities? No. Someone else will fill the position. Will people be disappointed in me for moving on with my life? No. It happens to everyone. Life goes on. Will God think of me as a quitter? NO. He wants us to give our lives to Him, to cast our worries onto Him, and to live our lives for Him. Right now I’m living my life to please others and to make money. That’s not the life I wanted, and that’s not the life I’m going to lead.
Matthew 6:25-29 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet yourheavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.”
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