What love is this?
My heart can’t fathom.
It’s an overwhelming kind of love that makes my knees weak. It’s a love so flawless, that my human mind literally can’t comprehend.
What a relief to be a part of something so abundantly perfect, that you know you will never understand.
As I press into the Father’s love—His selfless, sacrificial love, which would send the sinless King of the Universe to be beaten and crucified. That by His death, He would reconcile me to Himself—to then open my eyes to my selfish, broken, empty pursuit of life, and call me to live a life worthy of His death.
I step back and take a look at myself. I’m impatient. I’m selfish. I’m prideful. I’m insecure. I’m broken. I’m fallible.
I think about His attributes. His is patient. He is kind. He is humble. He is sacrificial. He is faithful. He never did wrong.
He is everything I’m not. He is perfection.
How could I ever live a life worthy of Jesus’ death? I find myself failing over and over again. I find myself falling short of perfection.
And then I realize…I will never reach perfection. But, my goal isn’t perfection, my goal is Jesus. I’m not called to mere perfect actions, I’m called to a fervent pursuit.
I am called to pursue the One who pursued my imperfect heart—despite my failings, my disbelief, my arrogance, my selfishness; despite my turning my back on His perfect love and thinking I could find better love on my own.
Isn’t that the pursuit of the human heart—to love and be loved?
It begins as children…the desire to love and be loved by our parents. This is carried out into our relationships with our peers—the desire to be loved, wanted, accepted by our friends. And at just the right age, we start to notice that we desire love romantically—and this desire to be loved by the opposite sex can get overwhelming.
Life is a single, long pursuit of love. Everyone wants so desperately to be loved, that their pursuit of it is broken, selfish and fallible. When you want something so bad, you’ll do anything to get it—you’ll step over anyone and anything. You’ll use and abuse. And that’s what happens when it comes to our pursuit of love. We seek it at the expense of someone else’s heart. We try and use theirs to fulfill ours. Sometimes we are aware of this, sometimes we aren’t. We don’t take into consideration how broken and messed up we are; yet we demand perfection. A selfish person demands selfless love. A broken individual demands a whole love. A fallible person demands an unfailing love. All without being able to deliver that perfection in return.
It’s an endless, desperate pursuit of perfection that will always fall short.
I chased this kind of love for 22 years. My skewed perception of love began as a young girl. Growing up without the love of a father developed feelings of abandonment and unworthiness. Every little girl desires to be loved by daddy, but when daddy is missing, she starts to question her self-worth. I believe the lack of validation that I developed by the absent love of a father, caused me to have an even-more skewed perception of love. The older I got, the more I searched. I was looking for that perfect love I knew existed somewhere. I desperately sought it in friendships, but ultimately in romantic relationships. Each time, I was left more broken—exercising my selfishness and becoming more insecure.
My empty pursuit ended when I noticed that His hand had been reaching out to me.
All along, the Creator of Love had been inviting me to freely taste and see of this perfect love I, we, have been so desperate for.
His word made bold claims of the kind of love He offered. Bold claims that I knew nothing about… bold claims about a kind of love that accepts our brokenness, heals our wounds, remains sure when we aren’t, encourages us when we are brought low, gives us reason to push forward when we’ve run out, gives us strength when we are weak, guides and gives direction in the midst of uncertainty, and ultimately satisfies the very longings of our soul.
The more I learned and followed Him, the more I learned that this love is real, and His claims are true. Not only did He say it, but He proved it. He proved it on that night—the night he was shamed, beaten, bruised. The night he willingly gave His life to prove that His love is indeed…perfect.
As I rest in His love, I no longer need to seek it elsewhere. I no longer need nor demand perfect love from humans who are prone to fall short.
I am secure.
I am complete.
I am loved.
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
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To dive deeper in experience God’s love and the way He sees you, check out Kristen’s devotional Rise Up Princess: 60 Days To Revealing Your Royal Identity