Defining Your Role with Your Husband

In Wife Life by Raquel Dorsey1 Comment



Know Your Role in Marriage


You did it! You planned your wedding, went on your honeymoon and are in complete euphoria. Today is the day you’re moving in with your husband! Is that butterflies in your tummy or nausea? You’ll soon find out.


Being a wife is a full time job, did you have a chance to read the job description before you signed on the dotted line? Maybe you should have clarified “cooking dinner every night in lingerie and high heels” or “wash his sweaty gym clothes” what about “clean pooped in toilets weekly”. This job isn’t very glamorous.


I still consider myself a newlywed, having been married 1 month shy of 2 years. And the best marriage advice I have given other lucky wives is simply: know your role in marriage. Let me elaborate. Before even saying “I do” ask your handsome fiance these very important questions; he should ask you them too.


1) What is your expectation(s) of me as a wife/husband?


When you think of a husband what do you think of? A man that can fix everything around the house? A man that can cook? Do you believe he should be the main financial provider? Does he think a woman should do all the cleaning? And do the laundry weekly?


2) Do you want to have children?


Most importantly, when? Is adoption an option?


3) What is your expectation(s) of me as a mother/father?


Will I be a stay at home mom/dad? Who will be the disciplinarian? Will we need to hire a nanny?


4) What about finances?


Should we have a joint account? Who will pay the monthly bills? Should be we set up automatic payments? Who will balance the check book?


Assuming your gender role will only create grey areas in your relationship. Define them with your husband. You’ll be surprised at the relief you’ll have after these conversations. And if you and your husband don’t agree on some of them, it doesn’t mean you need to call off the wedding; but it does mean that further conversations need to happen for clarification. And who knows, you may need to ask these questions a few more times in marriage just to make sure you are still on the same page and in each other’s corner.


  1. Great article! Every couple considering marriage should read this. Numbers 2 and 4 are huge factors! I’ve seen too many couples end up in unhappy marriages because these topics were not clearly discussed and decided upon before they tied the knot! As always, Raquel, you are right on!

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