When God Doesn’t Choose You

In Devotions, Inspiration by Kristen Dalton Wolfe8 Comments

When God Doesn't Choose You (1)

It’s one thing to feel overlooked or not chosen by people, but it’s confusing and painful being overlooked by God. He’s the one who’s never supposed to let us down. So how do we deal with it when it seems we’re not on his favorite list?

Until recently, I thought I understood the way God operates and how to be in His favor. A series of closed doors or “not yets” have led me to ask a new level of tough questions.

You know the certainty you feel when God tells you what to dream for? What to believe for? What to pray about, plan and hope for? That part is clear.

But the long, winding road leading to the calling can make it blurry.

Questions flood in like: “What am I doing? Did I do something wrong? Why am I not ready? Am I unfit? Did I hear wrong? Am I not on the right path? Did I make this all up? Is it just my desire and not God’s? What am I missing?

I had some deep, beautiful conversations about this topic that provided some clarity. I hope this helps you in this crazy journey.

  • Are you coveting or believing for something?

There is an important difference. It is true that God won’t elevate us or give us something we aren’t ready for. Most the time, we don’t know we’re not ready or we don’t know why. The Lord wants pure hearts. Getting and maintaining a pure heart is a daily intention, but there’s a way we can check to see if our motives are pure or we are spiritually mature.

How do you feel when someone gets what you want? Jealousy, bitterness, resentment, self-pity may indicate that either our motivation for wanting it was wrong or we aren’t spiritually mature enough to handle the dream yet. Until we can get to the place that someone else’s success doesn’t equate to our failure, we are still teetering in the covet zone. Coveting is wanting something that isn’t yours and it breeds those feelings are bitterness.

Believing for something God put on your heart is trusting that He will bring it to pass in the way He wants to when He wants to. It’s also having the humility to understand our purpose isn’t for our personal elevation, rather for the promotion of the Kingdom.

God protects us from ourselves until we are ready.

  •  Sustaining Hope vs. Abundant Hope

Many Christians believe God is going to bring them whatever He wants to, so they sit and wait for it. They are passive and lazy in the name of “God’s will.” I believe it’s also a form of protecting ourselves from the pain of a dashed hope.

You may have heard someone quote the verse, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” when they are sad.  So do we use that as an excuse to be sullen and bitter until we get what we want?

I believe the problem lies in the kind of hope we think we are entitled to. The only real hope we are 100% promised is eternal life. But Jesus also says he came to offer abundant life to the full.

My friend Nate Scoggins wisely said there are two types of hope; sustaining hope which is like our daily manna and abundant hope which is more than you ask or imagine.

The key is not letting the abundant hope replace relationship with God.

You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you. Exodus 34:14

  • God gives us the vision, we make the plans but God directs our steps. Proverbs 16:9.

That sounds really great in theory, until God starts directing our steps in real life. They can be slow,  feel like detours and be in the form of rejection. But like Joyce Meyer says, God has to do something to you before he can do something through you. Keep a loose grip on that dream, let God sift through you, go before you, protect you and comfort you.

Ultimately, seek first the Kingdom and everything will fall into place the way it’s supposed to.


  1. The only thing I have ever really wanted is a man to love and to love me in return to share my life with. That hasn’t happened, so I’ve honestly given up that dream and focused on other things. I have always been told ‘there is someone for everyone’ which simply isn’t true (as many people I know never get married).

    Sometimes our dreams maybe just aren’t Gods plans and the biggest and most difficult thing is accepting that while still trying to find happiness.

    1. I’ve learned through the same pain that it’s not always a “never,” but maybe a “not yet.” I begged God to “just let this one love me back” so many times that I started to lose faith, but the fact is I wasn’t ready yet. I didn’t know what I wanted or who I was trying to become.

      Lately I’ve tried to look at it this way though: Maybe my dreams aren’t a part of God’s ultimate plan, but that doesn’t mean what He has planned will be painful….it could be so much better!! A man may never love me the way I love him, but it’s possible that a man would just hold me back from the insanely incredible plan God has in store.

      From one Struggle-Busser to another, we’ll get it all figured out someday. We’re just taking the scenic route! 🙂

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  3. I’m finding the desire to be loved to be too much. I want to be focused on the Lord and His kingdom and this flesh is in the way. I rather not have freewill I don’t want to want anything that God doesn’t have in my life. I don’t think it’s wrong to not want something you don’t have. So I will continue to pray that God removes this desire from me.

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