The day I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked, stunned and unable to breathe. This was definitely not planned. My husband Andrew was away on work and wouldn’t return for a couple more days. Many thoughts raced through my head during that time. Are we even ready to be parents?
Andrew received the news much better than I did. He understood my concerns but was truly enthused. This was a relief and the joy was soon felt by me as well.
We told our families and they were supportive and excited. I wrote my niece a card saying “you’re going to be a big cousin!” Andrew’s sister gave me his first pair of Levi’s and a little sheep for Baby Dorsey. Our friend gave us baby books like “What to Expect When Expecting” and some humorous ones for the dad to be.
We were preparing to have a baby!
Then, the spotting began… Web MD said this is normal… Was it? We scheduled a doctor’s appointment just in case.
The doctor informed us that “the sac was empty.” We weren’t having a baby after all. The nurse handed us a black and white photocopied pamphlet on how to cope and with that the door was closed.
The ept test showed 2 pink lines. All our loved ones knew…
I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the depression that came after going through the miscarriage.
I felt tainted.
I felt violated.
I felt like a failure.
I felt unworthy to bear life…
Although Andrew was with me through it all, I truly felt alone. If I wasn’t suppose to be a mother now, what am I suppose to be then?
But now Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7
These bible verses encouraged my heart to just be Raquel, a Daughter of the King, the Writer and Creator of Life. He is still worthy of praise.
You are beloved and God is well pleased with how He has made you. Matthew 3:17
God has a plan for you. He will give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
You are valuable to Him. He numbered the hairs on your head. He adores you. Luke 12:6-7
You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:13-14
At the time I would have never thought of it as a blessing. And I would never wish a loss like this on anyone. But sadly 1 in 5 women will experience it. Sisters, hold tight, God is holding tight to you. He is with you. He is your Comforter, He is the Prince of Peace. Healing will come, do not put a time limit on your mourning. Honor your feelings. But know He has a good and perfect plan for you, sweetheart. That’s the only faith I have and it is all fulling. I pray you feel the same peace soon.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. – Psalms 27:14