How To Be Confidently Humble

In Devotions, Inspiration by Kristen Dalton Wolfe2 Comments


Humility is beautiful. Humility is the trait in a lovely woman that captivates, disarms and loves.

Humility allows the God-colors to radiate from within and through your eyes.

But we often believe wrong things about what humility is. Many Christians even subscribe to the idea that we aren’t supposed to love ourselves, heaven forbid actually like ourselves.

It’s interesting how Christians will use certain scriptures as an excuse to hide themselves or support a belief that feels comfortable for them.

People who have been hurt since they were children and never treated with value like to continue in the cycle that is comfortable for them. The moment they read the verse in Phillipians, “Consider others better than yourselves.” (Phil 2:3)  They think, “Yes, that’s righteous, that’s good, that’s familiar. Others always have been better than me, I’m just lucky to serve.” There is more to the context that was left unturned.

Those people feel the need to make sure other young girls know they shouldn’t love or like themselves either, which creates a terrible cycle. I remember watching, Anne of Green Gables as a young girl. I loved Anne “with an e” Shirley’s character so much. She was a spunky, bright orphan girl who was finally adopted by a foster parent when she was 13 years old. However, when Marilla Cuthbert met her when she arrived at the farmhouse, she was disdained to see a girl had arrived instead of a boy.

Anne had longed for acceptance and to belong to someone her whole life. She dreamed of being in a family. Marilla reluctantly let her stay there. There was a moment Anne looked in the mirror and said, “I look beautiful” and Marilla scolded her for it. She was taught not to “say or think such things” about herself.

I remember my heart would beat faster every time Anne’s spirit and spunk was squelched by a figure who should have been helping her understand her true identity. It makes me wonder how girls got by in those days, times and places where their originality and understanding of self was totally forbidden. How confusing it must have been for them to be defined by a score of manners, behaviors and marital status rather than how God saw and created them. The tension must have been tormenting.

A perfect modern day example is Mean Girls. Regina compliments Lindsay Lohan’s character and says, “You’re so pretty.”

Lindsay: “Thank you.”

Regina: “Oh so, you think you’re pretty?”

Lindsay backtracks as Regina is implying she loves herself too much.

On the flip side, we hear so much about the importance of self-love now. Self-love is important because we are a creation by and a temple of God. If we aren’t loving and kind to ourselves, we won’t be able to be love to anyone else. However, the more we focus on ourselves, the more self-centered we become and this only leads to idolizing ourselves above others and God.

Becoming too wrapped up in self- anything is when we become susceptible to one of the deadliest sins…pride. Pride is deadly because it always leads to destruction. Destruction of our reputation, character, career and relationships if we don’t catch ourselves soon enough. (Proverbs 16:18)

I have often wondered how one can be confident and still remain humble. It’s that quiet confidence in a woman that is so captivating and so rare. How does she do it? How is she strong and secure yet gentle and humble? The Bible does call us to be both. So how do we marry the two seemingly opposite qualities?

Jesus is the best example to look at to see how a divinely beautiful concept is modeled.

The humility Jesus speaks of and models is not at all self-doubting, self-hating, small or timid. It also is not boastful, self-seeking or arrogant.

Humility comes from knowing who we are with such an unwavering security that we are able to take the focus off of ourselves and onto others. Humility is looking upwards to Jesus, not in the mirror or to others for approval.

I used to think humility meant I couldn’t receive a compliment without pointing out the flaws they must have overlooked. I used to think it meant I couldn’t shine and be all I wanted to be because I might step on someone’s toes. After all, I wouldn’t want to do that, then I might make someone feel uncomfortable or small. I thought humility was staying small so other people could shine.

Can you relate? In what ways has your perception of humility stopped you from being the princess God calls you to be?

Godly humility is trusting in God’s sovereignty so much that you don’t have the drive to do anything in order to receive admiration or praise from others. When you have experienced the transforming love and power of God, those desires become child’s play and meaningless to you.

A woman who is humble is about her Father’s business and trusts the story He writes for her life, even if it means she will never be elevated or promoted on the earth. She is in Him and knows she will never be shaken.

Humility is being better acquainted with our own weaknesses and sins than the weaknesses and sins of someone else. Humility is quickly saying sorry when you are wrong and always saying thank you. Humility is remembering where you came from and what you wouldn’t be without the grace of Jesus.

She is open to grow and learn in her temporal and spiritual gifts and character. She is always yearning to become more and more like Jesus, knowing she will never see full completion of her perfection transformation until they are celebrating in heaven on their wedding day.

Knowing your identity in Christ leads to confidence and Knowing you are in Christ leads to humility.

Humility = The Sparkle Effect


Dear Father, 

I wanna be that girl that reveals divine humility and confidence to onlookers. I want people to see what it looks like to be so secure in You that I am not driven by self-seeking motives. Will you teach me what it means to be confidently humble? I want to embrace it and become it. Please give me a fresh revelation when I am reading your Words. Make them leap out at me so they are real, tangible and relatable. God, I want to know your love and power on such a deep level that I am led to my knees to praise your name. I would be lost without you. In you, I am found, I am known for all my weaknesses and I am loved. Help me to be that for someone else. In Jesus name, Amen. 

Wonder Words

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Romans 12:16 NIV

When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2 NIV

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4 NIV

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:10 NIV

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 NIV


  1. Hi Kristen, just wanted to say thank you! Beautiful article, I really needed this. I’ve struggled too, getting frustrated with trying to find the balance between confidence and humility. It does get really confusing especially for girls trying to grow up the right way. The way that you used Jesus’ own humility was eye-opening, thank you!

    I love what you’re doing, and thanks so much! I know you’re having a positive impact on lots of people’s lives.

  2. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. – C.S. Lewis

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