Why You Don’t Need Anyone To Like You

In Devotions, Inspiration by Kristen Dalton Wolfe3 Comments


Many self-help books lend to the idea that humans are an empty or leaky cup that gets filled up once our needs are met by others.
In psychology, Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs shows in tier 3 and 4 that a human’s basic needs are love, acceptance and self-esteem. Even Christian books support this idea that it is appropriate to have your needs for acceptance and esteem met through people.

But recently, I’ve felt like something wasn’t right with this way of living. How can you really be secure in your identity when you have the need to be admired, respected and accepted by others? For me personally, that need was lending to being pleasing instead of loving, which resulted in frustration.

Being pleasing instead of loving means you are acting with motives that revolve around maintaining your self-importance and likability. When we are so worried about people liking us in order to feel accepted and loved, we are in bondage. We are completely enslaved to how our friends and families feel about us. We are reliant on them giving us the love and acceptance we “need” to function in the world.

And if we don’t get what we “need” from people, then we find replacements to fill up our cup. Casual sex replaces love and addictions replace acceptance with stimulant experiences that temporarily blot out our voids.

Lately I’ve had some deep revelation on this issue that has been life-changing.

As Christ followers, we are meant for a life of so much more. The bible completely crushes the idea that we are an empty or leaky cup/love tank. Nowhere in the bible does it talk about our need for high self-esteem. It talks about our need for redemption and grace and a new life in Christ.

Open your mind to receive and marinate on this…

The Lord is our cup…
“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup. You make my lot secure.” Psalm 16:5.

The Lord. The magnanimous, all-loving, all-powerful, creative master, beautiful, holy and perfect God of the Universe is OUR CUP. We are far more than a half-empty cup that needs to be affirmed by people to raise our self-esteem.

Not only is The Lord our cup, we are also full of the divine nature and power of Christ to the point of overflow!

“In Christ, you have been brought to fullness, who is the head over every power and authority.” Colossians 2:10

Let that sink in. He is in us, we are in Him. Imagine yourself as en entity of splendor filled to the brim of divine love, acceptance and affirmation. Why would you ever feel the need for someone like you again? You have so much love within you, you can’t help but spill that love onto others regardless of how they respond to you.

Christ didn’t come to fill our needs according to our standards. He came to change our needs.

The Lord revealed a final empowering understanding of this verse this week that has rocked my world and makes so much sense.

Delight yourself in The Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4.

I used to think that verse meant my dreams, goals, wishes and hopes. It may still include that, but I think it has a deeper meaning as all those things are circumstantial.

If our deepest desires as a human are to feel secure, loved and accepted, and The Lord is our cup and our portion, then if we delight in Him alone, those desires will be met!

I don’t know about you, but this makes me want to burst out of my skin with joy!

As daughters of the King, our desires of being accepted and loved have already been met, therefore we need less admiration and approval from people and are consequently able to love more with pure motives.

Jesus is a brilliant example. He came to love the world, but he was not a people pleaser and he wasn’t depressed or ruffled when we was rejected or ridiculed. He loved and taught and fulfilled his purpose regardless of how we was received.

How was he able to stay so secure when even his own best friends doubted and ditched him?

“But Jesus did not entrust himself to them, because he knew human nature.” John 2:24

“I am not interested in crowd approval. And do you know why? Because I know you and your crowds. I know that love, especially God’s love is not on your agenda. I came with the authority of my Father and you either dismiss me or avoid me….How do you expect to get anywhere with God when you spend all your time jockeying for position with each other, ranking your rivals and ignoring God?” John 5:41-44

That’s how Jesus did it. He was secure in the fact that we was fulfilling his call with the authority of God, accepting that he was dismissed or avoided not because of him, but because the people had impure motives, a twisted agenda and the need to rank themselves in comparison to others. They were looking for self-importance among themselves rather than focusing on God.

Psalm 118:8 confirms that it is better to put your trust in The Lord than to put your confidence in man.

We get to live our lives with the same confidence and freedom as Jesus did and we have all the power within us to do that. This is why we don’t need people to like us.

Daughters of the King have the power to need less so they can love more.

If this message blessed you, be a blessing by sharing with others.


  1. Pingback: » Why You Don’t Need Anyone To Like You

  2. Wow! It’s so true! We spend so much time trying to please people and not genuinely love them the way Christ expects us to because we are afraid of losing their approval and/or acceptance!

    Well, Christ came to set us free and freedom we do receive if only we stop trying and instead start loving!

    Love is unconditional, but people pleasing is circumstantial and reliant on some sort of reciprocation. I thank and love Jesus for revealing His love to us constantly!! :))

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